MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Tribute to my Grandma Leila, and my Aunt Catherine. We miss you dearly.


My Grandma and her sisters and brothers. All but my grandma are still around.


Whew!!! Too much food! This ain't even a tenth of what I had!


Christmas Morning


Christmas Day

I’m flying to SC today beginning what I’m sure will be a very interesting holiday! Hopefully all will go well!

Audition: Verizon @ Terry Berland Casting. Wow, didn’t expect this one…especially so close to the holidays. Callbacks next week!

Good news!! Last year I did a regional commercial for a Mall chain in the South. Today, I talked to my friend in NC and she told me she's been seeing the commercial every night! I decided it was a good idea to reach out to that particular agent to let her know what's going on with me and give her my new contact info. I was hoping that the fact that my commercial is currently airing meant I would be entitled to more money...but didn't really remember the terms of the contract I signed. Anyway, I emailed her and she quickly emailed me back and thanked me for the update AND told me that they would have some residual checks for me soon. WooHoo! It's nice to know that I'll be getting a check sometime soon after the holidays!

I went to church today, it was so great. I really love that place. I wish I went a bit more often.... hopefully when my schedule stabilizes I'll be able to do just that! It's called West Angeles and it's the closest place I've found to the Apostolic Church of God in Chicago. There's something about the feeling you get when you enter the doors at both of these places. There is such an abundance of love...they feel like home. And the pastors at both of these places are just absolutely amazing. Bishop Charles Blake at West Angeles is amazing and was recently featured in People magazine for his "Save Africa's Children" program. And I simply cannot say enough about how much I love and respect Bishop Arthur M. Brazier of Apostolic Church of God in Chicago. He is truly an amazing man. He counseled Efren and I before we got married, his son married us, and he came by the funeral to hold my hand. I remember his 80 something year old distinguished face looking at me with compassion in his eyes. "It happened so fast", he said. "You two were just in my office 2 months ago!" I said, "I know", and as tears welled up in my eyes, he smiled and said "you're a trooper, you know that?" Then he gave me a hug. This might not seem amazing to some people, but when you consider the fact that this 80+ year old man is the pastor to thousands and thousands of people, yet he made time for us is amazing to me. Not to mention that they did not charge me one dime for the wedding or funeral...and they even served dinner after the funeral service. Ugh...I just got a knot it my stomach from having to mention wedding and funeral in the same sentence...that just doesn't seem right. Anyway! The point is, they are great places...you guys should totally visit them if you have the opportunity!

Oh, on an interesting note, after church today, my friend and I were walking to the car and we heard a very strange noise. I stopped and with a very confused look on my face I said, "Was that a rooster??" My friend was like, "That better not be a rooster!" Well let me tell ya...it was indeed a rooster. In the middle of Inglewood. Boy, I love my people!

I put the kids on a plane today! They are off to South Caorlina! WooHoo! Just kidding, lol. I'll see them soon. I'm scheduled to fly in Christmas Eve. Can I say that I am really looking forward to seeing my family. I hope they are even louder and funnier and closer than I've ever seen them before. I really need that right now. I've kinda been on an emotional roller-coaster and I could really use my family right now. It's been a crazy year...hell, it's been a crazy week! It's wonderful to have a family that loves and supports you no matter what. I am so blessed. I can't wait to see you guys!

Auditon: Feature Film In Search of The Perfect White Woman @ Maslar/Liem Casting.

This audition went really, really well!! I read with the writer/producer of the film and even though he was tired and hungry we had a good time. A really good time. Which I am really thankful for after yesterdays "very interesting" audition...lol. I feel a bit redeemed :)

Audition: Feature Film Ready or Not @ Paul Weber Casting

Ummm...interesting day. Intersting audition. Yes, indeed...lol.

My boy was sick again today... Wow, 2 days out of school...I don't think this has happened since chickenpox in Kindergarden. Poor baby...fever and all. Hopefully, he'll fare better tomorrow.

On a better note, my friend Theresa's baby is doing better. He finally went to the bathroom which is really good...especially since the doctors said that his kidneys had completely shut down. God is good. Only now he has an infection that he's fighting. But this little man is a soilder! Keep fighting baby.

I got a call today from Ivy Isenberg from Paul Weber Casting. I've helped out in there office a few times and in fact she called me to help out last week but I was shooting and didn't even return her call. Anyway, when I talked to her and she asked me to come in and help her out tomorrow...then she said "Actually, do you wanna read for a role, too?" I asked her what the project was and she said they are working on a feature called Ready or Not and the role is a stripper. I was like Oooh... But she assured me that this was a quirky, funny character...not a skanky, nasty character. I told her I'd read in the morning and I'd be willing to help out that afternoon...so we'll see, should be interesting. I'm sure some would say, "Whatever, that's a "mercy read" and they're just placating you b/c u help them out". But I say, "Thanks!!" LOL. I mean come on...I ain't just helping out of the kindness of my heart, and I'll take opportunities where ever I can get 'em!!

My son had a fever today so he stayed home from school. I can count the number of times my children have stayed home due to illness on ONE hand!! How blessed is that!!! For that I am grateful. I'm also grateful because he was able to stay home...there was a time when I would have had to ask him to take some medicine and tough it out. Being a single mom is NO joke and it certainly hasn't always been easy. It was nice to be able to stay at home and tend to him today. Truth be told I wasn't feeling great myself. I even missed a workshop tonight...which I've only done once or twice before. I think it’s safe to say that I am physically and emotionally drained. I hope my upcoming trip home helps to recharge me...but I won't hold my breath...this is going to be a really, really, really tough Christmas. BUT, I've gone through worse and God has brought me through...I have faith that He will do the same this time.

Bad news. I think I wrote about my good friend Theresa who was pregnant and had her baby over thanksgiving....well, I learned yesterday that her baby, who was born at around 24 weeks the day after Thanksgiving is not doing well at all. From what I understand his kidneys have shut down and unless he is able to go to urinate and release the fluid he probably will not make it. It's been 3 days since he's gone to the bathroom. It's a very, very sad situation and I know it's really weighing on my friend. I've been calling her everyday...I wonder if that’s more annoying than helpful? I decided that being annoying is a risk worth taking...It'd be terrible for her to feel that no one cares about what she's going through...I am considerate though...I always ask if she feels like talking and if the answer is "No" then I just let her know that I'm here and praying for her if she needs me. Theresa has wanted to have a baby since I can remember (I've known her since the mid 90's). And now to come so close and see it slip away...I really cannot imagine how that must feel.
As much as I complain about my children (and believe me I do!!) I cannot imagine my life without them. It's impossible to contemplate how much they have changed my life...and made me into the person I am. I think I take things for granted sometimes...in fact, I'm sure of it...especially when it comes to the children. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day "stuff" that you don't appreciate the beauty of it all. I am so blessed...
My heart and prayers go out to my friend...and all others in similar situations. I don’t know much...but what I know, I'm sure of... God is able...and He loves us. My mom always said, "All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord". I believe that. Even tragedy can work together for your good. Sounds crazy, but trust me on this one. I'm sure that whatever happens God will take care of them.

This morning we shot the last of the footage for "Let's Talk". Ben Ramsey of Ramcity Productions let us use his house for hair and makeup (we actualy shot a few scenes at his house as well). I'd seen him around but hadn't really gotten an opportunity to talk to him until today. He is a really big guy which is funny because he is sooo nice. Like a gentle giant...lol. He told me that I'd been doing a good job and asked me how long I'd been in LA. I told him a little under a year, which he seemed very surprised to hear. He said he'd seen actresses take years to get to where I am. That totally took me aback. I was like, "I wouldn't exactly say I'm anywhere special. I'm just working on working like everyone else." He looked me and said "Trust me. I know what I'm talking about." He talked about how it usually takes about 5 years to really start making a dent here in LA. I told him that I'd worked in Chicago and that my whole plan when I moved to LA was to hit the ground running and figure out as much as I could (and as fast as I could) about how the business worked here. I told him as soon as I got here I started doing workshops and found people that were doing well in the business and bascially imitated what they were doing. Many times I didn't even know why I was doing something...but if certain people were doing, so was I...LOL! Things have changed a bit since then. I mean, I still look at people more successful than I am (and that's ALOT of people) and try to pick up a few tips and tricks of the trade...but because I have more of an understanding of the business, I don't have to blindly follow everything they do. I also told him that I am ALL about business. I mean, I bet I can count the number of clubs I've been to since arriving to LA on one hand! Don't get me wrong...I'm not a "stick in the mud", but I came here with a purpose and I'd much rather be working on my website or a new mailing than waiting in a line trying to get into the newest Hot Spot. I'm on a Quest for Success...and a whole bunch of partying ain't on my agenda right now (ummm...Mekhi's house excluded...lol)! He was pretty impressed and he told me he'd like me to talk to an actress friend of his. It's so amazing to me that I've done so little...yet people feel I can be of help to them somehow. That's crazy to me!! I'm not so sure that I have anything important to share...but whatever I have, I'll freely give. My mama used to sing a song that said "If I can help somebody along the way, then my living will not be in vain". I truly believe that.

Ok, so then I was off to a Watts Elementary school to finish the footage for the project. I went into an actual classroom and worked with some 5th grade students. The kids were sooo much fun!!! There was this one kid, Kevin, who already seems destined for show business..lol. I used to work with kids back in Chicago and I have to say this experience made me miss it. I got a lot of hugs on the way out which was very nice. The photographer who was shooting the still shots said that the kids really came alive once I got there...he was this old kinda southern man, he said, "You had a wonderful repoire with them. When you came in, it was like somebody pushed a button!" I gotta say out of all the compliments I've gotten on this project...this one meant the most to me.

I was suppose to meet with Pacific West Artists today but I had to cancel. I'm just sooo tired from such a busy week...plus I wanted to go shopping for my son's event tonight and after rushing and running around all week I just couldn't do it again today! I really just couldn't! It kinda worked out, I wanted to do a bit more research on the agency before I decided whether or not I wanted to meet with them anyway.

My son had his band concert tonight...he was so handsome in the new outfit I bought him (suit, dress shirt,tie and shoes). I RARELY go on shopping sprees so this was a very special treat...and you could tell that he felt like a million bucks. Even his sister commented on how great he looked. She said, "Wow Gabe, you look SO presentable!"..LOL...you could tell he was on cloud nine. His performance was really great too...I video taped it while my girl took stills. Everyone once in a while in the midst of our very chaotic life, I look and my children and think...huh, MAYBE I'm doing something right...lol...Maybe! Time will tell.

Audition "Fitness Show" @ Scarpaci/Kelly Casting. I was sooo tired from my crazy week thatI was kinda all over the place on this one :( BUT...I had a great energy and attitude so maybe they'll cancel each other out, or better yet I'll come out a bit ahead...LOL. I'm not really sure if I'm skinny enough to be a host for a fitness show but we'll see. It pays ALOT of money so it would be good to get a call back.

Audition "Bud Light" @ Kathy Knowles Casting.

And it's a wrap!! Today is my last 'official' day of shooting. Of course, being the last day I got 2 auditions which complicated matters. I had to cancel one...but after alot of shifting I made it to the one for Bud Light at Kathy Knowles. I came in 2 hours after my audition time and they had already stopped seeing people for my particular spot, but my manager called and got them to see me anyway. Big Thanks to the folks at Studio Talent Group! The audition went really well and I'm sure I made a positive impression.

After the audition I had to race back to set (I had slipped out to the audition during lunch!)and finish the day. Today I shot the scenes with my girlfriends, three very talented and beautiful sisters. Karimah, Janora and Tasia...I'm sure you'll be seeing MUCH more of them in the future. In fact, Tasia is recurring as a hair dresser on "Everybody Hates Chris", and Janora recently booked a spot on "The Unit". Do yo' thang ladies!! Hopefully, I can keep it moving on my end too...lol! Big thanks to everyone involved with the project....Michelle, Jason, Marvlyn, Lyela, Hilary, Renee, Cheryl Lynn, Taurus, Peter, Desiree, Dino, Gil, Ben, Lammon and EVERYONE else who helped make this production happen...you guys are AWESOME!!!!


The Beautiful Ladies of "Let's Talk" (Karimah,Janora,Tasia and Me :)

Callback "The Lost Diaries" @ Alyssa Weisberg Casting. I was the first audition of they day...they fit me at 10:30a b/c I told them I had to be on set at 11:30a. It kinda sucked to go first...plus I felt really rushed...not b/c they rushed me but I rushed myself...a definite NO-NO. It went ok, but I was much better at the audition yesterday! Oh well...next!

WooHoo! My shoot ended at a resonable time tonight which means I could take my place as a +1 at Mekhi Phifers 3rd Annual Holiday Party. I had such fun at the last time I went ot one of his parties (in July)and I was really looking forward to attending this one. Let me start by saying this was a very different party than the last one. Last time there was Valet parking...this time we had to park in a high school parking lot and take a shuttle bus up to his house. When we got to his house it looked TOTALLY different. It had a New York "Studio 54" theme and upon arriving there were actors (at least I think they were actors) acting out the whole night club scene...complete with paprazzi taking pictures, a huge line of people acting like they were trying to get in, and security waving us through like were "somebody". It seemed so real...they actually had me for a minute...lol. The entire house was completely transformed and I was totally disoriented for a while. They had a blackjack table in the living room, the white pool table had been transformed into a desert table with a half naked lady painted silver lying on top donning tasty treats on various parts of her body (crazy, right!). They turned the outside into the inside using large tents and heaters, they made the entire outside pool area into an inside dance hall complete with a DJ and strippers and an awesome dance floor that was built over the pool (yes we were actually walking and dancing on water!)...the designers really did a great job!

There were soooo many people there. I saw a few people from the film I'm working on, as well as a few others that I recognized from different places. It was kinda cool to actually know people at Mehki's party...I guess I'm getting around! It was funny...at one point Cedric the Entertainer walked by me and he was like "Hey! How you doin?" I was like "Hey! What's going on?!". Then I told my friend "Dag, I know that guy from somewhere! Maybe Chicago?"...LOL...he was like "Ummm YEAH! You know him from a tv, film and commercials"....lol... I was like OOOOH, That's right! It's funny how confused you can get when you see people out of context...lol.

There were so many celebs I'm sure I didn't see the half..but to name a few I saw: Mekhi(of course), Nas, Mc Lyte, Regina King, Urkle and Eddie from Family Matters, Jamie Fox and my personal favorite sighting of the evening...Mr. Bobby Brown the self titled King of R&B. He was off the Chain!! LOL! He had on a red hat and a red plaid jacket that he opened like "Daannng" (think Eddie 'Kang', Jr. from the Five Heartbeats). He really made the party a PAR-TAY! I used to be such a fan of his..."Tender Roni" What?! "Every Lil Step I Take"! I used to rock these jeans with his name written on the back in like the 5th grade...lol I just wish Whitney woulda been there...then it would a been like the party of the Century! What a fun night...I danced like I haven't danced in a loooong time. Thanks to Mekhi for the party and thanks to Step for the invite...I'll be ur +1 anytime :)


Me & Bobby


My Cool A$$ Pants w/ Bobby's name on the back!!

Alright I'm not feeling too well lately. Something's going on with my back!? Really painful...I can't even take a deep breath. Maybe I've been overdoing my workouts...to many spin classes?? Ugh! Anyway, there's too much to do for me to be sick now...gotta suck it up!

This morning was my final wardrobe fitting before we shoot. I was moving really slow due to my back. Marvelyn and Michelle are so cool and have amazing taste. The shoot starts tomorrow...Wish me Luck!!

Audition "Lost Diaries" @ Alyssa Weisberg Casting. I'm not exactly sure what this auditions is...but it's somehow related to the show "LOST". It's a 5 day shoot in Hawaii! I saw my friend Jay Bingham there, he was the reader for my session. He told me that he'd seen that was my picture had been submitted and told Alyssa that she should really bring me in. How cool is that!! I've only met Jay a few times at Actorsite so its awesome that he'd fight for me that way. The audition went really, really well. In fact I got a call back on the spot. Only thing is it's tomorrow, which is also the first day of shooting....eek! I don't even have the call time yet, hopefully I will work it out.

Ok, off to pick up the kids and head to the salon to get my hair done. The kids were so sweet. They saw that I wasn't feeling well and my son rubbed my back...my girl told me I needed to have a spa day...lol. I went to the salon but the stylist was running, really, really, really late. After I waited for like an hour and a half I decided to go wait at my friends house so I could lay down. My friend is soooo sweet. I can be soooo stubborn when I'm not feeling well and I hate to take medicine. But I was in such bad shape that he made me take some pain meds and drink some airborne. Then he rubbed my back with some Icy Hot which kinda helped. Thanks man! I really appreciate ur care and concern. After another hour and a half I got a call that the stylist had finally arrived. Dag, it's like 9pm and all I want to do is sleep! Oh well...again...gotta suck it up. I ended up getting out of the salon at about 12am. It was cool though, and really nice to get my hair washed by someone else for a change! Maybe I'll start getting it done more often. Kim, the stylist, gave me a look of shame when I told her that I hadn't gotten my hair done at a salon since August 2003...LOL. I promised her I'd do better.

Although it was a crazy day, and I'm not feeling great...there's one thing I didn't forget. Today is Dec. 2nd and it has been half a year since my husbands passing away. 6 whole months! I look at my life now and I wonder how you feel about the thing things I'm doing. Whether or not my actions are making you happy. Whether you're ok with certain things. I've been spending a significant amount of time with someone lately (yeah, the same friend who rubbed my back) and I would be straight up lying if I said I didn't feel guily about that sometimes. I often wonder how you feel about that. Does it make you happy to know that someone is looking out for me?? Does it make you angy that such a short time has past and I've allowed someone to get close to me?? Did you ask God to send me someone or are you dissapointed in me?? It's such a complex thing. And I certainly was not anticipating meeting ANYONE for quite some time...if not ever. Life is soooo crazy! I guess more than anything...I just want you to know that the love I have for you will always be there...always. Nothing and no one will ever dimish what we shared. You will live on in heart forever, and that, my love, is just a fact. I pray that you know that. You took such good care of me....and I know you still are... I feel your presence around me and that brings me more joy than I can express. Yo te quiero mucho mi esposo.

Callback "Hollywook Chaos". This went pretty well. They asked me to read a few additional sides like on-the-spot. I read one, and after that read only went "OK" I asked for a few minutes to review the other one. Of course I Should have asked for a moment with all the new material but I didn't so that's that. Over all it went pretty good. Definitely not my best but it was decent. I think casting will be pretty much locked down sometime in Jan and it shoots next Fall. So we'll see!

I saw some different reality people there this time...many I didn't really know. Although Omarosa wasn't there, her corporate counterpart Kwame Jackson was. He was really funny. Not funny "ha-ha"...more "interesting-to-watch" funny.