I spoke with my ex today for the first time since the "flyer" incident. He has been very persistent in trying to contact me and thus far I have refused to speak with him.
I was a little surprised at what he told me. I guess I expected him to try to convince me that he wasn't a bad person, and had just done what he had to do. But what he said was that he wanted to be a family, that he loved me and was in love with me. He said that he'd made mistakes but he was really ready to give his all and he wanted to have a future with me. Huh...I really wasn't expecting that. I told him that we had a chance to have all of that, we really did, but we do not anymore. I told him that everything we had was in the past and that I didn't want a future with someone like him. We went back and forth a bit. He told he that if I took him back that I wouldn't regret it, and that he was really ready for me this time...more ready than he's ever been in his life. I told him that we live, we make mistakes and we win some and lose some, and the truth is he has lost me....and that's OK...it's just life. I told him that though I wished him no harm I didn't want any further contact with him. I wished him luck, and said goodbye.
And though it was the right thing...it was sooo hard. And I cried. It's never easy to say goodbye to someone that you love...even when you have to.
As I look toward the future I cannot help but be excited. I know that there is so much in store for my life. I feel like I've been living in a fog for the last year and a half of my life and the sun is FINALLY beginning to shine. I mean, I moved to LA last Jan right after a terrible breakup, I was totally alone, brokenhearted and really depressed...then my ex got sick with Cancer and he tells me of all the awful things that went on behind my back...then we manage get back together...we get married...he passes away...then I come back to LA alone again...then I become involved in a relationship that was really no good for me from the very beginning...then I find out the man I was seeing was really a liar and a cheater and had been so from the beginning...THEN the tragedy that happened earlier this year... well, let's just say that's enough to break a girl down...lol. But the beauty is...I have come through it all...and I still have my sanity, joy in my heart, and hope for the future, which is nothing less than a testament to the beautiful redemptive nature of God. And it is now time to look back on all that hurt and all that pain and as the pastor said this morning, wave goodbye to it. It no longer has a place in my life...it's time to press toward my future.
I was a little surprised at what he told me. I guess I expected him to try to convince me that he wasn't a bad person, and had just done what he had to do. But what he said was that he wanted to be a family, that he loved me and was in love with me. He said that he'd made mistakes but he was really ready to give his all and he wanted to have a future with me. Huh...I really wasn't expecting that. I told him that we had a chance to have all of that, we really did, but we do not anymore. I told him that everything we had was in the past and that I didn't want a future with someone like him. We went back and forth a bit. He told he that if I took him back that I wouldn't regret it, and that he was really ready for me this time...more ready than he's ever been in his life. I told him that we live, we make mistakes and we win some and lose some, and the truth is he has lost me....and that's OK...it's just life. I told him that though I wished him no harm I didn't want any further contact with him. I wished him luck, and said goodbye.
And though it was the right thing...it was sooo hard. And I cried. It's never easy to say goodbye to someone that you love...even when you have to.
As I look toward the future I cannot help but be excited. I know that there is so much in store for my life. I feel like I've been living in a fog for the last year and a half of my life and the sun is FINALLY beginning to shine. I mean, I moved to LA last Jan right after a terrible breakup, I was totally alone, brokenhearted and really depressed...then my ex got sick with Cancer and he tells me of all the awful things that went on behind my back...then we manage get back together...we get married...he passes away...then I come back to LA alone again...then I become involved in a relationship that was really no good for me from the very beginning...then I find out the man I was seeing was really a liar and a cheater and had been so from the beginning...THEN the tragedy that happened earlier this year... well, let's just say that's enough to break a girl down...lol. But the beauty is...I have come through it all...and I still have my sanity, joy in my heart, and hope for the future, which is nothing less than a testament to the beautiful redemptive nature of God. And it is now time to look back on all that hurt and all that pain and as the pastor said this morning, wave goodbye to it. It no longer has a place in my life...it's time to press toward my future.
posted by Jillian at 8:39 AM
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