SBC audition. This was a print audition. I haven't been on one of these since Chicago. I haven't ruled it out, it's just not something I've pursued...once I feel more settled perhaps its something I'll look into.

Audition "Speed Dating". This is an AFI film...very cute script. This auditions goes really, really well, which is exactly what I'd hoped for since the ladies casting this (Angi & Christal) also work at Liberman/Patton. The more positive face time the better!!

My friend Theresa had her baby. It was very premature and only weighs 1 pound. It was a very stressful delivery. The baby is on a ventilator but she says he's a fighter. He's even trying to breath on his own. His lungs are strong but I guess there are some problems with his circulatory systems due to some bruising he sustained during delivery. She said the doctors also broke his collar bone (I think it was the collar bone?) during the delivery...as one would imagine he was very delicate. It was tough for her too, she had to have an emergency cesarean and now it appears she has a touch of pneumonia. Whew! And I thought I had a rough delivery! I asked her the prognosis...and she said so far so good, they just have to take it day by day. I'll continue to pray for my friend...and maybe if you guys have a second, you could send some up too :)

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!! I just instructed the children to write a gratitude list and I thought I might practice what I preach. This has been such an defining year in my life. Though things are far from perfect I am thankful for SO many things.

First of all...I'm thankful for a reasonable portion of peace and serenity and happiness. I have a little secret...this is not the first Blog that I kept. In Feb. of this year I started one and though it only has 4 entries...it really shows what a bad place I was in not too long ago. I've debated adding the February entries to this blog (it's still kinda hard for me to read, much less share), but I finally decided today is the day. I promised myself if I posted it I wouldn't change one word...and I didn't. It is not pretty, it was not pleasant...but it gives a glimpse into a very dark time and it makes me thankful to have made it through it...and I think I'm better because of it. It can be really hard to be thankful for such a rough time....but I think I am...at least I'm trying to be...lol. And I am Eternally Thankful to God who truly answers prayers.

Second of all I am thankful for my family. I am so blessed to have two healthy, beautiful children, my mom is doing well despite her illness, my brothers are doing well, and I have a host of aunts, uncles and cousins who are amazing people. I am blessed to have them as a part of my life.

What would the world be without friends?? I swear without my friends I think I'd have gone crazy a long time ago. This paragraph is dedicated to my true-blue, always got my back, always forgiving me of my screw-ups, always there to lend a helping hand, always there with an ear to listen to troubles (over and over and over again...lol), truly Amazing friends that I've been blessed with. You guys are worth your weight in Gold to me. There is no way I would have survived this year without you. I would not be where I am today with you guys in my life. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

I am thankful for my new friends as well. I know that God has placed us in each others lives. And whether it's for a reason, a season or a lifetime I am thankful for every moment we've spent together.

And to a very special friend who came into my life for what was apparently a season...I want to say Happy Thanksgiving to you. I can't help but think of all the ups and downs we've had...and I can't help but think of how during everything I was always there when you reached out. Always. And although it saddens me that this was not reciprocated, I am thankful that if the season had to end that one of us had the courage to do so...even if it's like this...And I'm thankful for the opportunity to experience what was a really great season in my life.

My health! I am soooo thankful to be healthy and all my parts in working order. It's something that I take for granted sometimes...but I know I'm blessed and I'm so thankful!

Living in LA! I am SO glad to be living here. It's all I thought about since I moved to Chicago and I'm finally here. There's no other place I'd rather be. I'm thankful for having the courage to follow my dreams.

Oh yeah, I'm thankful that yesterday I got a direct email for an audition from Christal & Angi of Liberman Patton Casting. This is the 2nd time she's contacted me directly for an audition. It's for an AFI film, but hopefully I'll continue to do well at the auditions and they'll soon be bringing me in for King of Queens or Vegas!!

My car, my apt, being financially independent, my short-lived-bitter-sweet-fairy-tale marriage, music, theater, art, my laptop, my awesome printer, my Ikea furniture, my new spinning class, the folks at Actorsite, the guys at Scott Sedita's acting class, and SOOO many other things I can't even think of....and most of all to God for allowing me to have all these blessings in my life! I am truly very lucky.

Today was my 2nd Spin class and my third trip to the gym since the weekend. What!? I'm trying to get ready for this jacuzzi shot...lol. The instructor today was really cool, a young brother with Krazy energy. I really enjoyed his class and will definitely be back. He told me he thinks I can get to where I want to be in 2 weeks if I spin like 5 times a week and cut out the cookies (tollhouse chocolate chip cookies are like criptonite to me!). I don't know if either of those things are gonna happen but it's good to know that my goal is so within my reach.

I talked to a long-time friend today. She's pregnant (24 weeks) and in the hospital on bedrest. She has tried to have a child SO many times and this is the farthest she's ever made it. Stay strong Theresa! I'll be praying for you and the baby.

I had a dream about E last night. I can't actually remember it, but I remember waking up and being very happy about what I was dreaming. I've only dreamed of him about 3 times and this is the first one that left me feeling happy w/o any angst (the first two were NOT good). How awesome is that! I hope to have more vivid happy dreams about him. You know those kind of dreams that leave you wondering if it was a dream or if it really happened? The ones that are so real that they feel like a memory instead of a dream? That's what I'd like to experience.

It's almost Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for. So many people have brought joy and light into to my life. I'm not perfect, but I can only hope I've done the same for them. I hope they never have to wonder whether I love them or whether I care. And if they do wonder, let me now say the answer is, Yes, I do love you and I do care, very much. I always will.

It's official. It looks like the children and I are headed home to South Carolina for Christmas. I just finished booking their flights, and I've booked one leg of mine (the children usually go down about a week ahead of me). It should be really good to see my family. I've been missing them a lot more since I moved here...even more so than when I lived in Chicago. It's funny though, I hadn't seriously thought about going home until a friend invited to me to spend some time with him and his family back east. I'm not sure how all of that will pan out (though I hope for the best) but I am sure of one thing...It'll be good to be HOME for the holidays :)

Wow. Today would have been my 6 month wedding anniversary...Life is soooo crazy!!! In some ways it moves so fast I can barely keep up and in other ways time seems to stand still.

I read this beautiful quote that says, "True love doesn't have a happy ending; True love doesn't have an ending." Wow....Love is so amazing, it's almost impossible to describe but you know it without a doubt when it finds you. And I really don't believe it has an ending...how can it? A little while after Efren passed away, even in the midst of sorrow, I still had this enormous amount of Love in my heart that I wanted to give (I remember growning up and my Mama listening to this gospel song that said "What good will love do you if you keep it to yourself? Somebody needs to recieve it from you so give it to somebody else. Love isn't Love till you've given it away"). I believe that, and I'm thankful to have loved ones in my life to share the love in my heart with. I'm grateful that though I've loved and lost I have the courage to love again. What a gift that is...

Once in awhile, Right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairy tale.
~ by Anonymous ~

What a lazy, lazy morning I had. It was awesome! It was one of the best mornings I've had in a long time.

I had rehersal today for "Let's Talk". It was really more of a blocking rehearsal than a full one, it went ok, but I'm and so still on the page it was challenging. The good thing is that we all interact very well. Lammon and I have really good chemistry and the girls who play my girlfriends are really cool and very funny! Two out of 3 of them are from Chicago. One of the women, Tasia asked me where I lived to see if I really qualified as being "from Chicago". She said she always meets people from the burbs who try to claim Chicago. I told her I lived on 33rd & King Drive. What! Chi-town stand up! It don't get no more city than that! Well, maybe....she told me that she's from "the Wild Hundreds" pronounced "Hunnuds"...I think that might just trump my hood...LOL

Today I saw Robyn Owen of Vicki Thomas Casting at Actorsite. She has to be one of the nicest people in casting. It was really a pleasure getting to meet her again.

I attended a staged reading produced by the Robey Theater Company this evening. It was held at a theater off of Washington (the name escapes me at the moment). It was good to be back at the theater but I was soooooo tired! I'm ashamed to say that I fell asleep on more than one occasion....I don't mean that I "nodded off", I mean a straight up fell asleep! I don't think I've ever done that in all my years of going to the theater. However, I have to admit this show went a little long. It lasted about 3 1/2 to 4 hours...and I admittedly had only gotten like 2 hours of sleep on Wed. At any rate the show was good and there was a reception afterwards where I got the opportunity to meet some very nice people. It was a very entertaining and fun evening.

Audition for feature "Hollywood Chaos". This went pretty well. I saw alot of familiar faces. Omarossa was there (from what I saw she was in full diva mode...lol), American Idol contestants Latoya Londa and Trenyce and a girl that's in an upcoming episode of The Bachelor...yeah...reality was in full-force. It was funny b/c I saw Trenyce's name then I saw her, but I wasn't really sure it was her. Before I could ask she comes up to me and says, "I loved you on that show!" What!?! I had to turn around to make sure she was talking to me....lol. I told her she was great on AI and wished her luck, she's a very, very sweet person.

Audition for Fanta @ ASG Casting. This went pretty good. Fanta spots are SOOO over the top, but I think I did a good job of going there. Hopefully I'll book something soon! This spot shoots in Argentina. Hmmm, I should really see about getting a current passport. Up until now I haven't really needed one, but I guess it's better to have one and not need it that to need one and not have it!

Audition for short Waylaid. I think I started out a little over the top on this one, but I think I did pretty well with the re-direct. The director told me he liked me and checked my availablity. It shoots mid-December. These types of auditions are cool, but I really hope to see more sitcom and episodic and even commercial auditions in the near future.

Booked!!! BET Short Film "Let's Talk"!
I woke up really late this morning. Guess I'm getting to old for late nights...lol. I checked my messages and saw that I'd missed like 7 calls between 11pm last night and like 12pm this afternoon. I checked my messages and sure enough I had one from the director of "Let's Talk" that came in at like 1130p last night. Could it be she had a midnight epiphany and had to call me right then to tell me I had the role?!? I called her hoping for the best, but braced for the bad news. She checked my avail for the shoot days then told me that I'd booked the lead role in the project. Awesome!!!! I'm very excited. The director Michelle is such good people and I think its going to be a really positive experience. And hopefully it's only the beginning. I really feel like it’s only the beginning. I feel like I'm living my life in a positive way trying to live in truth and eliminate the negative day by day...and I think I'm blessed because of it.

Before we hung up Michelle made a statement that really resonated with me. We were talking about positive and negative energy in the universe. And she said..."think about when you're fighting to hold on to something that you need to let go...your hands are balled up in tight fists. How can you receive what you want/deserve when your hands are closed? It's only after you let that thing go that you have room to receive." I hear you girl, I hear you. It just gets hard sometimes. But I will receive this project...lol!! Rehearsals start later this month and it shoots next month. It's going to be about 30 minutes and it will air on BET early next year. Rumor has it there's a Jacuzzi scene...that means I gotta hit the gym...and fast!!

Happy Birthday to ME! :) Thank you Lord for another year. I'm truly blessed. Just wish I could remember how old I am...lol

This birthday was a very special one for me. I wasn't sure what it was going to be like with E being gone. He always made sure that his was the first voice I heard saying "Happy Birthday, my Love". Actually, it could be ANY day and he'd greet me first thing with a "Good Morning, My Love". I miss that. At some point during the day I would get a huge bouquet of the most beautiful exotic flowers that he'd hand picked for me from his favorite flower shop "CatTails". We'd go to some amazing place for lunch and/or dinner. And he'd present me with some ridiculously thoughtful gift...along with some kind of pampering gift like a massage gift certificate. He really had a knack for making me (and Everyone!) feel special. He had a way of making you feel like you were the center of the universe. It was quite something to experience. I wonder if I'll ever be privileged enough to feel that way again...time will tell I guess.

Anyway, thanks to some absolutely Amazing, Awesome, Outstanding people in my life, I had a very special day today...it's amazing how God uses people to look take care of you and I am so thankful for that.

My very good friend Antonio Aranda greeted me first thing this morning with a wonderful Happy Birthday and a very special song. He played Las Mananitas for me, which is a Mexican birthday song. I used to play it for E on his birthday...it was sooo sweet, of course I ended up crying like a little baby...lol. Antonio, you have been there for me through so much and I cannot tell you how much your friendship means to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for always being there.

Ava, I cannot believe that after 20 something years you FINALLY remembered my birthday!! LOL. It's terrible but my friends (myself included) never remember each others birthdays! Somehow we can talk to each other everyday and still manage to forget! Anyway, thanks for the birthday wishes, girl. I'm feelin the pressure already...Jan. 11th, right?? Wait..19th?? 15?? Uh-oh...lol.

Garland, ummm, yeah...never mind...lol

Spencer, thanks for thinking of me even in your absence. Your well wishes are appreciated...I'll take a rain check for the rest :)

Step, gosh, there aren't enough words. Thanks for a lovely evening. Out of all the talks we've had (and we've had some pretty amazing ones) none was more pure and real and complete than tonights. Thank you for that. Things have a way of working out for the best, right? Let's hope so.

Marcus, kisses and all my love to you and ur wife to be.

And Mama, love you, love you, love you...:) You're one of a kind!

Gabriela thank you for my beautiful hand made card, I love it.
And Gabriel thank you very much for my birthday Jello...you are indeed an interesting child...lol.

Thanks everyone for making my day Awesome!! I love you guys!!

Got a call early this morning from the CD for "Let's Talk". I was all excited to check my email thinking I was gonna get some news. Turns out I'd left my coat at her apartment! How embarrassing is that! I hoped that she didn't think I did it on purpose, some kinda slick actor move to stay in the loop....cause it sooo was NOT that.

I ended up getting a call later that night from the Director of the project. She told me it was between me and another girl (just as I'd suspected). She said she was having a having a tough time making a decision and wanted to talk to me more about the project. We chatted a bit and she asked me if I was comfortable with various aspects of the role. I told her that as long as I didn't have to get naked I was pretty much cool...lol. She said she'd call me later this weekend with the decision. So...we'll see. Either way I feel pretty good about things. I mean, she told me that they'd had 2 rounds of auditions and each round over 400 girls submitted. I'm not sure how many they auditioned but to be in the top 2 is a pretty big achievement in my book. Of course booking it would be even better!

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Tonight was my pre-birthday celebration and I was lucky enough to spend it with some very cool people and see some great theater too! For all you Theater-lovers there's a great play running this weekend and next weekend called, Someone To Watch Over Me at the Greenway Theater. It stars my dear friend Darin Dahms, cool guy Benjamin Fitch and Brendan Shanahan (who I actually didn't know until last night...but he's a super sweet guy!). The show was really good and a big group of us went out afterwards. It was very cool….I hadn't seen Ben in a really long time so it was good to catch up. At midnight the entire group sang a rousing chorus of "Happy Birthday". Awwwww....how sweet is that!

Audition for Match.com at Fern Champion. This went really well. I was supposed to be on Dr. Phil's show asking him question. They gave me the topic of 'Men marrying "traditional" women' and I had to do a little improv question. I said something like "Do men really want to marry a traditional woman? Because I'm about as unorthodox as they come, so tell me...do I have a shot?? Or do men really want to marry their mothers?!" It was pretty funny and everyone in the room laughed. Then as I was leaving the room the session runner (who looked soooo familiar, I'm sure I've seen him in a casting office before) said, "And to answer your question, Yes!" Yes, what, I asked. I DO have a chance?? He laughed and said, "No. Yes, they want to marry their mother. So basically, you're screwed!" I was like "Dammit! I knew it...that explains A-LOT!" It was funny. And quite unfortunate...cause I suspect he may be right...lol.

Class tonight went really well. I think I'm going to enjoy the switch to Thursday nights. Tonight we were suppose to determine which of the Eight Characters of Comedy (The Lovable Loser, The Logical Smart One, The Neurotic, The Dumb One/ The Bitch/Bastard, The Womanizer/Manizer, The Materialistic One or In Their Own Universe)most represented our true essence. I learned in class that I was....The Dumb One!! LOL. It can also at times referred to as The Naive One (think Charlotte from Sex in the City). It almost sounds like an insult, but if your read after looking at the characteristics (Affable, Honest, Imaginative, Childlike, Direct, Endearing, Enthusiastic, Friendly, Excited, Naive, Sweet, Positive, Sincere, Warm, Gullible, Happy, Genuine, Good Natured, Unselfish, Oblivious, No ulterior motive, Content)...I had to admit it was probably dead on. What can I say...lol.

I saw Todd there and he helped me pick out my commercial pic and also offered to take it into his commercial agency for me, which is cool because he has a GREAT commercial agent. He is sooo awesome! Thanks Todd! I really appreciate all your help on this! I love referrals...but I think it may be time for a big commercial mailing as well. So without further adieu....here's my new commercial shot (there are two b/c Todd HATED the denim shirt, said it was very Midwestern mom and that NO ONE in LA wore denim...lol...I'm so out of the loop). I get called for the cool girl all the time, but hip and trendy I am soooo not. Anyway, since I learned that denim has such a stigma, I changed the color in an attempt to throw people off. Slick, huh....and I'm supposed to be the Dumb One...lol.


Commercial "Non Demin" Shot...LOL


Commercial "Denim" Shot

Today I had a chemistry read with the guy the chose for "Let's Talk" the BET short film. First of all, let me say that the two sisters Adetoro (CD) & Michelle (Writer/Director) are really amazing women. You don't have to be around them long to see their warm spirits and their strong sense of consciousness. I'm guessing they're from the East coast, I haven't run across women like that since I lived in the Chi. I met Maurice...or at least the guy who's playing Maurice. We only spent about half an hour together but from what I gathered, he is one dynamic brother. Handsome, smart, talented, conscious, warm spirit, ummm...did I say handsome?? LOL. Honestly, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I don't even know his real name. I asked him and he told me...twice as a matter of fact, but I think I was hypnotized or something... Lemar? Lemmon? Something like that. My Grandma would say, "That's a shame and a disgrace!" And as always she'd be right! LOL

Anyway, the read went well and I left. As I was in my car heading home, they called me back...they wanted me to come back and do some spoken word. What!? It's been a long time since I've written anything and even longer since I've read it to anybody. I asked if they had copy for me and they told me they did. I turned around and went back. Handsome Maurice was there reading with another girl (She was the only other person I saw, so I think it might be down to just the two of us...maybe). Michelle, the writer/director gave me a piece that she'd written and showed me how she usually performs it. I was staring at her like a deer in headlights. She was amazing! I was like, you want me to do THAT?! In 5 min?! Ummm...ain't gonna happen...lol. Go Head Michelle, you a Bad Girl!! I did what I could and brought my own flavor to it...she said she liked it and I think it went pretty well. On my way out I passed Handsome Maurice who was also leaving. He was going over his very busy schedule...flying here to shoot this, coming back to shoot this. Do you thing, boy! I'll be there soon....hopefully :)!

Audition for "Let's Talk" a BET Short film. This audition went pretty well. The girl running the session, the CD, and Writer/Director were all Sisters, and very, very cool. I recognized one the girl who was running camera from another Short film audition I had recently at FIND. Such a small world.
I was supposed to be off book for it, but it just wasn't happening. I think I was able to bring alot of myself to the character...which I'm sure gave it a different and unique spin...for better or worse...lol.

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On my way home from the audition, I got a call from the CD asking my availability to meet with the actor they've chosen for the lead Male character for a "chemistry read". I told them I was available tomorrow. They said that his schedule was tight because he's shooting a recurring role on Half & Half, but they'd call me to schedule. Cool, we'll see what happens....

Audition for Coca-Cola Film/Industrial. This went really well. Really grounded, yet warm and funny. As I left, the CD said "Thank you SO much for making her real!" That was really cool of her to say.

The also had an audition for an Ashanti video. My manager got this appointment for me and at first, I was very reluctant to go. I talked to some people and decided to at check it out. When I got there I discovered that my Grandmother was right. "Always go with your first mind", she always said. I quietly left after being there for about 2 minutes and learning that the audition was basically 30 seconds of "shaking yo' booty". Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just not my cup of tea. Next!

Audition today for a feature film called After School. Got a call for this late last night. Should be interesting.

Audition on Monday for a SAG Coca-Cola Industrial. Cool. Got this one off of Actors Access.

My commercial photo shoot is today. Wish me luck, I'll need it! Pictures are the bain of my exsistence....lol.

Aftershock audition @ Pemrick/Fronk Casting. This went well and they are so cool at the office! Hopefully, I'll be back in there for something else in the near future. They also have an open door policy for actors, maybe I'll also try to take advantage of that a little more often.

Today is Dia de Los Muertos and months since E's passing. Wow, five months. I swear it seemed like I was just writing about his four month anniversary. I think its finally starting to be a little more real for me. Like ok, he's really gone. I feel it really sinking in for the first time.
You know, one of the things that has made Efren's death bearable was seeing how his life and death effected everyone around him. For some it brought out tremendous strength and character..others, I think, began to evaluate their lives and how they could be better people. It is comforting to think about what an impact his life and death had on so many people. His life was not in vain.

I know how much I learned being with him through his illness. I learned the power of forgivness (now that's a superpower....forget X-ray vision!), I learned the importance of trying to make the most of each and every day. I learned that if you are lucky enough to have someone to love, and who loves you...that you should NOT waste any of that time, because tomorrow is not promised. I learned that you should say everything you want to say while you have the opportunity. I learned that if you are honest and open that with each other that there's no problem or situation too hard to get through. I learned that if you put your loved one first and give everything you have to them...and they do the same for you...you can withstand anything and your relationship can reach a place that you never even imagined possible.

Powerful lessons, right? I thought so...I thought I had things figured out. But,unfortunately, since that time, I've learned more things.

I've learned that life is much more complicated than the simple lessons I thought I'd learned. I've learned that just because you are open yourself up to people, doesn't mean they'll open themselves up to you. I've learned that just because you're honest about your needs and wants, doesn't mean you'll actually get them. I've learned that not everyone wants to deal with problems openly and honestly, but instead would prefer to discuss hockey or the president, or anything other than the things that needs to be discussed. And I've learned that just because you try to take care of anothers feelings and emotions doesn't mean they'll take care of yours.

Damn.... Just when I thought I had it all figured out.

Today I did a huge mailing announcing my new representation. Well not huge, but over 60 CD's, Assoc. and Assistants. It took me ALL day (damn my precise attention to detail and ridiculous need to personalize Everything!). I can't believe I've met that many people since I've been here! At first I wasn't really pressed to get this mailing out since I ALWAYS put my direct contact info on my resumes (And I STRONGLY suggest you guys do the same!!), but figured it was the smart thing to do. I didn't wanna look like I was dropping the ball!

I started looking at old headshots today. They were so funny I couldn't help but post them. I've been told that in one of my old headshots I resemble Condoleezza Rice, yep you heard right, Ole Condi, herself...lol. You be the judge....let me know what you think. The only similarity I see is our impeccably coifed hair :)


Old Headshots...Funny!


Me and Condi...Kin folk??