Today I auditioned for a guest star role on CSI: NY. This was pretty cool because it was my first guest star audition and it's for a pretty well known show. So, I get to the audition over at Radford studios and I'm a little early so I figured I'd just sign in then chill for a minute. I go to sign in and I notice that on the top of the sign in sheet in big, bold, black print is the word "PRODUCERS". What?! I guess I just assumed that I was pre-reading, I had NO idea I was going straight to producers! Crazy, right? I'd be lying if I said that I didn't get a little nervous after seeing that...but it's all good, that's what I'm here for. I was up first, did the scene with the CD once and it went pretty well. The director of the episode and the creator of CSI, Anthony Zuiker were in the room and I think I was able to show a bit of my personality before and after my scene. As I was exiting the room, I glanced back and I saw the director looking at me and smiling...I felt my back and there was no "kick me" sign so hopefully that meant he liked me :). Fingers crossed!

I have to say that I am very proud of my performance. Which is really cool b/c I can think of many, many times in the past when I couldn't have said that. So, I ask myself (as I often do), what's the difference between now and then.
First, I have to say that the tons workshops that I've been doing have helped me tremendously. As my nerves were starting to grow I thought to myself, wait a minute, I read in front of casting people almost every day! I got this! If I can be fabulous in a workshop, I can be fabulous here! :)
The other thing that struck me is that I had no fear. It's weird, but I think in the past I would almost try NOT to do my best...that way I could convince myself that if didn't get the role it's not because they didn't want ME, but because I didn't do my best. It was totally subconscious, self-sabotage. I think people self-sabotage all the time and usually because of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of rejection...fear, fear, fear. I have decided that there is no room in my life for fear anymore. I know "life or death" situations...and let me tell ya, and audition room is NOT one of them! I went into the audition confident and embracing what I love to do. I truly believed if I took all of me in that room, even if I don't book this role, I would not be forgotten by them. I know that putting yourself out there can be a scary thing to do, but I read a quote that said, "In order to have great successes, you must take great risks." Hmmmm...OK. I can do that.

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Got a call from my agent Greg (hmmm, haven't talked to him in a while). Anyway, I'm one of 2 other choices for the CSI NY role!!! I should know if I booked on Thursday. That's pretty awesome. It'd be cool to book, but it's also really cool to be 1 of 3 choices after my 2nd theatrical audition in LA. AND it’s also really frustrating to be 1 of 3 choices after my 2nd theatrical audition in LA. Again, I can't help but wonder where I'd be if I were been getting auditions like I should be getting auditions. What if this was my 12th audition instead of my second. I could be so much farther along...it's really, really frustrating. BUT, it's also really cool. Wow...it's tough to be happy and angry at the same time...but I have somehow found a way...lol. But this is no time for bad energy, So...Inhale Cleansing Breath....and ....Release. Ahhh, that's better. Wish me luck :)