Dag! No word on the commercial today. That sucks :( I hate not knowing whether its cast or whether I'm still in the running. The last time I was on avail I didn't book but they never called to release me. Maybe I'll give Matt a call Monday afternoon, just to see if I can get some answers. Ah well...the "when will she become Sag" saga continues...

Callback today for "Quilted Northern" at Michael Donovan's. This went very well, and there weren't very many other women there for my role...hope that's a good sign for me! The director was very complementary and I was able to read a few times since they were short on women...which was cool b/c I got to be seen multiple times and help Michael out a little.

Audition: Advil @ Danielle Eskinazi. This will be my second time going to this office. Hopefully it goes well.

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Yes! Got a message that I'm on avail for the Quilted Northern spot. It's funny, of the commercial auditions I've done recently, I thought I was LEAST likely to get called in for this. Oh, well...there goes what I know :) Boy, this would be SO GREAT to book...I don't even care if they shoot it or if it airs...I just need the Taft Hartley. I would love Michael Donovan forever..lol! Matt, my commercial agent, said we might know as early as tomorrow. Fingers double crossed!!!

Also, met with Brandy Gold of TalentWorks at Actorsite tonight which was awesome. She really seemed like a great woman and TalentWorks sounds like a great place to be. I actually submitted to them not to long ago, but they never contacted me...that's why I made it a priority to see her tonight..I'm much better in person than on paper. My scene partner, Jay, was absolutely fantastic, and she seemed to respond really well to us! It was funny, after we finished our scene I was on my way out of the room and Jay asked Brandy, "are we done or do you wanna talk some more." She was like, "Sure, sit down...let's talk until they come get you guys." And we all proceeded to have a GRREAT conversation...that we would have totally missed out on if it was up to me. I have GOT to work on maximizing my opportunities. It's like I'm crazy or clueless or something! I mean, are you kidding me...lol. I swear, left to my own devices I am such a mess. Anyway, thanks Jay, you rock!

Ok, so this town is burning to the ground and nobody seems to notice. I was driving home from a workshop tonight and I swear I thought it was the Rapture! I mean serious fires are going on... smell the wood burning is in the air (for a minute I thought I was back in the south...burning stuff is much more common there), ash is in the air, it seems like its foggy out but really its the smoke. It's crazy! Everyone is driving and going along their way despite the fact that there’s a friggin FIRE right in front of us!!! I guess LA people really are laid back.

Awww...thinking of ‘burning stuff in the south’ takes me back. I went home to SC in December and Efren came with me. It was his first time coming home with me and meeting my family (he'd met my mom...but not "the family"). He was so funny, and totally had my aunts wrapped around his little finger. Anyway, my Mom decided to clean some of the junk out of the house and proceeded to take some chairs and stools outside then lit them on fire (which is the standard way to dispose of stuff where I’m from). Efren was soooooo intrigued and mesmerized by it...it was hilarious. I'm from the RURAL south and he was a total Chicago boy...he had NEVER seen anything like this...lol. My mom, of course, is an old pro at setting fires and had it blazing in no time. She was going about her business, poking at the fire with a stick to keep the flames going when Efren said, in the most earnest voice ever, "Do you mind if I try?” He was sooo funny, and sooo cute. The kids actually video taped us out by the fire. I watch it sometimes...but unfortunately, and I'm sure anyone from the south who's well versed in burning stuff knows, when you're around the fire you tend to just STARE at the fire...so there's not really much of him talking in the video...which is....well...unfortunate. But it's still a really cool thing to have. I'm so glad he got to see where I grew up. I showed him my high school and my college and my old hang outs...it was really cool...I love him... We were supposed to go back for the kids’ graduation in May, but he was too sick to make the trip. Anyway...we'll always have December.

So my friend Robert who's a casting assistant emails me today and asked me if I was Sag. AAargh! Of course I had to write him back and tell him that I am, regretfully, not yet Sag. He then writes me back and tells me that he and Katherine, the casting associate, were all ready to bring me in, but their shows have a strict policy on Sag actors. Ugh! Now this one hurts! It's one thing to assume you're not being seen b/c of union status, but it's another thing to KNOW it! And this is Tracy Lilienfield's office...you know..."Will & Grace", "Old Christine", "Four Kings".
I can't believe how much Acme is dragging their feet on this commercial thing. I could have been Sag months ago! Who knows how many opportunities I have/am missed/missing out on because of this! This is just absurd...I have to do something about it. Period.

Today I got called directly for an audition for that Nick Cannon show "Wild N' Out". Though the show is not really my cup of tea, it was cool to get a call from this office...especially since I'd just done a workshop with one of the associates on Saturday.

Intersetingly enough, when I spoke with the casting asst., she told me that she'd tried to call my agents but had enocountered a few problems with them. Hmmm...I hope there aren't any other casting directors trying to reach me but not able to. That would be really bad.

Grief teaches the steadiest minds to waver. -Sophocles
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I almost didn't post this b/c I HATE sounding so sappy and whinny and sad all the time... but the fact is I wrote it, so I have to post it... what can I say...this is me...

What is up with me this morning! I think it started out late last night when I heard that Mariah Carey/Boyz II Men song "One Sweet Day"... I think the part that got me was when she sang "never had I imagined, living without your smile..." Wow, it's true, I never imagined that...and it's crazy how it sometimes hits me like a ton of bricks. He had an amazing smile and the most full-bodied contagious laugh you you've ever heard. And now I can never hear it again? Not even once? I mean, it's been almost 4 months...can't I just call a time out now. "Ok, stop playin'...it's been 3 and a half months now...come out, come out where ever you are!" I don’t want to not hear his laugh EVER again. I don’t want to not hear his voice EVER again. I mean, are you kidding me?! I must seem SO crazy. I feel crazy sometimes…I mean some days I’m good, I mean really, really good. I was doing fine just yesterday, I swear I was. Now you’d think I was back in the middle of June instead of September and I’m having these “never again” revelations for the first time. That alone is Crazy to me! How can I go from 0 to 60 in just a few hours? But then again, how can I go from wife to widow in 2 weeks… and if I pull the lens back, how can the people of New Orleans go from enjoying life to being under water in a matter of hours. I guess trouble comes to us all at some point, and the strength of our character is shown in how we handle it. So...(deep breath in....and out) although my heart is very heavy this morning, I won’t complain anymore. My family is safe and healthy and I know that everyone can’t say that…I’m truly blessed. I just miss my friend.

What a great day! I had two good auditions (one for AOL, the other for Quilted Northern) and an awesome time in between. The AOL one went pretty well, the Northern one was ok, no dialoge so more about the look and facial expression. I've been out on a couple of commercial auditions lately...would be really nice to get a callback soon!

"Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out."
– James Bryant Conant

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Today I called Abrams to follow up and get a final yeah or neigh on them repping me. I figured the answer was no, but hey, I thought it best to hear it from the horse's mouth. I called and spoke with Beau and the conversation went kinda like this:

Me: Hi Beau, its Jillian Reeves de Ortiz.

Beau: Oh, Hi Jillian!

*Awkward pause while thinking, huh? He seems pleasantly surprised to hear from me considering they obliviously have NO interest in repping me.

Me: Hi, well, I'm just calling to follow up. I dropped my demo off last week and just wanted to see if Eric had a chance to see it.

Beau: You dropped your reel off last week?

Me: ...Yeah...

Beau: That's strange, I haven't seen it. We were just talking about you a few days ago and Eric said he was waiting on you to bring in your reel.

*What?!

Me: Really?? I literally came by your office and dropped it off last week on Monday, the day of the power outage.

*So he puts me on hold so that he can look for it, comes back and tell me he can't find it but he'll keep looking and give me a call back. End of conversation.

Now...how crazy is that? I always say that communication is everything... but do I take my own advice?? Nooooooo. Well, I guess I kinda do, but it took me long enough! What if I had just decided that they weren't interested in me and didn't bother calling to follow up (which I sooo almost did)? I would have totally seemed like a typical, crazy, flighty actor & probably made Alexis look crazy for referring me. At least now, even if they aren't interested in repping me, we have established a positive history with each I'm sure I would be reconsidered down the road. So following up is ALWAYS good! I mean all they people say is "No". Well, actually they could say "WOULD YOU STOP CALLING HERE YOU CRAZY #$#&@!!"....but even that's not so bad if you think about it...hmmm..ok maybe it is, but I STILL recommend doing it.
Good lesson learned or should I say "reinforced"!

Happy Birthday, Daddy! Today would have been my daddy's 82nd birthday!! Wow, my pappa was rollin stone...lol...he was already in his 50's when I was born. And you better believe he spoiled his little girl! E reminded me a lot of my father in that way. Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty independent woman, but it sucks to lose the only 2 men on the planet who love you more than they love themselves...really it does. But when I consider that many people will never experience that kind of love, I have to admit that I'm pretty darn lucky to have had it twice.

Good news! I made it to both my audition and the workshop today, which is great! I didn't realize that both Christal and Angie from Liberman/Patton would be at the audition. Whew...GLAD I made that one! The workshop was also very good...the guest, Scott, recognized me from fff and actually spoke about it and two other actor "reality" shows. He offered a very interesting take on the shows and said that he found them to be very educational for actors to watch. He was very complementary which was very, very cool...especially considering how much angst I had over doing the show. Instead of having us do a standard scene, Scott had us do an improv exercise. It was a bit challenging but very interesting and a nice change of pace.

Today I had an audition at 10am for LG electronics, it went well. However, the fact that I was able to make the audition today means one thing....I was not at CSI: NY shooting! Yes, sad, but true. I called my agent yesterday afternoon, they told me they'd check into it and call me back but I never heard back (what, me not hear from my agents? Shocking!). I think it’s safe to assume that I didn't book. BUT, the good news is that the director and creator like me enough for me to be in the top 3, which is pretty cool...not as cool as booking....but still very cool nonetheless, I'm sure I'll be back in that office soon!

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I attended an "industry" party tonight with a friend of mine. At first I was kinda hesitant about going, but it ended up being a pretty cool time. In fact, at one point during the evening, this woman came up to me and asked me if I was an actress because I looked very familiar. I told her that I didn't think we'd met and she asked if I had a national running right now (hmmm...I'm guessing she saw my fff episode, but I don't really feel like getting into that at the moment) "No", I reply. Anyway, she asks me if I have a reel (wow, I can actually say Yes to this question now...well, kinda) she tells me that she works at Johanna Ray Casting and that they're casting a feature and asks if I can send her my materials next week. Ummmm....YEAH! She was a really cool girl...she talked a bit about how the CD was really working to have a diverse cast and how they had to kind of bring the producers around to the notion... That's cool, I'm glad someone is having that conversation, though I'm sure the diversity initiatives (tax breaks, etc) are helping in that regard as well, but hey, whatever it takes. I told her I'd drop off my stuff on Monday.
Now the real question is, How cool is that?! I'm at this party, that I wasn't even planning on going to, where I know like NO one, and I'm basically a +1...it's at a club, it's dark and it's late, yet this woman recognizes me and asks me to submit myself for a film they're working on. Amazing...maybe I should go out more often...

No word yet on CSI NY, and this is one of those cases where I suspect that no news is probably not good news. My commercial agent just called me with and audition tomorrow for LG electronics; I took the appt (since I'm now assuming I'll be free tomorrow) and asked to be transferred to theatrical. I talked to Dave and asked him whether the CSI NY spot had been cast...he said they hadn't heard but they would check into it and call me back. So we'll see.
If nothing else I have an audition tomorrow...which is good. PLUS, I got a call this afternoon from Christal at Liberman/Patton casting re: an audition on Saturday for an AFI film. It's so cool to get a call directly from a casting office where I've done a workshop...it makes me feel like my efforts are paying off. Not that I'm doubting my efforts, far from that...and I've heard of people getting called from workshops as much as 4 years later! But it's just cool to get an audition and you can trace where you got it from...it sort of reinforces the notion that I'm on the right track. Only thing is that my audition is for 330pm, and I have a workshop at 300pm and I really don't want to miss either...hopefully I can fit them both in somehow.

Today I auditioned for a guest star role on CSI: NY. This was pretty cool because it was my first guest star audition and it's for a pretty well known show. So, I get to the audition over at Radford studios and I'm a little early so I figured I'd just sign in then chill for a minute. I go to sign in and I notice that on the top of the sign in sheet in big, bold, black print is the word "PRODUCERS". What?! I guess I just assumed that I was pre-reading, I had NO idea I was going straight to producers! Crazy, right? I'd be lying if I said that I didn't get a little nervous after seeing that...but it's all good, that's what I'm here for. I was up first, did the scene with the CD once and it went pretty well. The director of the episode and the creator of CSI, Anthony Zuiker were in the room and I think I was able to show a bit of my personality before and after my scene. As I was exiting the room, I glanced back and I saw the director looking at me and smiling...I felt my back and there was no "kick me" sign so hopefully that meant he liked me :). Fingers crossed!

I have to say that I am very proud of my performance. Which is really cool b/c I can think of many, many times in the past when I couldn't have said that. So, I ask myself (as I often do), what's the difference between now and then.
First, I have to say that the tons workshops that I've been doing have helped me tremendously. As my nerves were starting to grow I thought to myself, wait a minute, I read in front of casting people almost every day! I got this! If I can be fabulous in a workshop, I can be fabulous here! :)
The other thing that struck me is that I had no fear. It's weird, but I think in the past I would almost try NOT to do my best...that way I could convince myself that if didn't get the role it's not because they didn't want ME, but because I didn't do my best. It was totally subconscious, self-sabotage. I think people self-sabotage all the time and usually because of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of rejection...fear, fear, fear. I have decided that there is no room in my life for fear anymore. I know "life or death" situations...and let me tell ya, and audition room is NOT one of them! I went into the audition confident and embracing what I love to do. I truly believed if I took all of me in that room, even if I don't book this role, I would not be forgotten by them. I know that putting yourself out there can be a scary thing to do, but I read a quote that said, "In order to have great successes, you must take great risks." Hmmmm...OK. I can do that.

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Got a call from my agent Greg (hmmm, haven't talked to him in a while). Anyway, I'm one of 2 other choices for the CSI NY role!!! I should know if I booked on Thursday. That's pretty awesome. It'd be cool to book, but it's also really cool to be 1 of 3 choices after my 2nd theatrical audition in LA. AND it’s also really frustrating to be 1 of 3 choices after my 2nd theatrical audition in LA. Again, I can't help but wonder where I'd be if I were been getting auditions like I should be getting auditions. What if this was my 12th audition instead of my second. I could be so much farther along...it's really, really frustrating. BUT, it's also really cool. Wow...it's tough to be happy and angry at the same time...but I have somehow found a way...lol. But this is no time for bad energy, So...Inhale Cleansing Breath....and ....Release. Ahhh, that's better. Wish me luck :)

Hmmm...who turned out the lights?! LA was crazy today. There was a widespread black out, which fortunately didn't effect me, but did however effect traffic. Not pretty. Anyway, I dropped off my reel to Abrams and Metropolitan today. Metro called me about a week ago from a blind submission and requested it. We'll see what happens...

Ok, got my reel done today. Is it ideal...No..but is anything ever really? Anyway, it is what it is. And it's done. If you guys wanna check it out click HERE. I'd love to hear your comments...but be gentle with me :)... Robert, the guy who edited my reel, was very cool. I took my dvd's to him and we sat down and did everything together. I left with my reel and a speed reel in just a few hours! His company is called QuickNickel... which according to him means that he charges less because he'd rather make a quick nickel than a slow dollar. Very cute.

Dag, I can't believe it's September 11th again. It is sooo hard to believe that it’s been 4 years already. Wow... I remember it like it was yesterday. I was going to work on the El in Chicago and this crazy woman was saying that 2 planes had hit each other in NY. Everyone just ignored her, including me...she was apparently listening to the radio on her cell phone but she really did seem crazy! Once I got to work at LaSalle bank, I thought...let me log onto suntimes.com and see if that crazy woman was really talking about something. When I tried to logon to the net the computer was really really really slow...then finally a picture came up of one of the towers on fire. I was like Oh My God... just as I was telling people in the office that something big had happened, someone came out with a radio. I'm not sure how long we all stood around that radio. I tried to reach my friends in NY to no avail...all the lines were busy, it was madness. The trek back home was crazy... the streets of downtown Chicago were completely deserted...there were only a handful of people on the train...people were in shock. I picked up the kids and for the next week I was totally glued to the TV. Besides the Efren situation, I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life. To the victims...RIP. To the survivors...cherish every day and live each to the fullest. I'll try to do the same.

I can't help but be amazed at life's journey. You really don't know where it's going to take you. The only thing we know for sure is that nothing is sure. But in my heart of hearts, I truly believe that life is Beautiful. It truly is just beautiful. When I think of my own life, and of all the joy and sorrow, and failures and successes, and ups and downs...and I see how God has worked so miraculously in my life...it not only brings tears to my eyes, but the beauty of life truly humbles me. I see how much I've changed, the person I've become as a result of all of my experiences good and bad...and I am just amazed. I love the person I'm becoming...and that in itself is such a blessing. I am sooo thankful for my blessings. I have two wonderful, healthy, children, I have a loving mother, an amazing, supportive and forever entertaining family, I'm in LA living my dream, I have awesome friends, who are more family than anything else...and each and every day of my life I see God working things out on my behalf. It just doesn't get much better than that.

Ok, progress was made today. I finally got a copy of my last film (Thanks Malik!) and I have an appt on Sunday to get my demo reel done!! I'm so excited...I mean I don't have any "LA tape" but, it what it is...and I'm glad to be able to get it done. I sooo wish I had the editing software so I could do it myself...I'm a bit of a computer geek anyway so it would actually really suit me. I just don't have the luxury of time right now, and the learning curve would be too much...but I do think that editing is something I'll revisit.

I had a commercial audition today for 21st Century Insurance. It went well, but I felt strange about it. Maybe its b/c of the issues I'm having with my agency.... well, actually there's no maybe's about it. Hopefully this situation will be resolved soon.

I actually had three auditions for today, the 1st got cancelled, which sucks b/c that was a cool job shooting in NY. The second was for 21st, which, as I said, went well, and the last one was for a film...but unfortunatley I had to miss it (ugh!) The kids had a picnic at there school today and I really wanted all of us to attend. I'm very glad we went, I met some very nice parents and the children were able to make some new friends. It was well worth the sacrifice.

Ok, so today I was Superwoman! Hmmm...come to think of it, why was there never a Superwoman?? There was a Superman and a Supergirl, why no Superwoman? Hmmm... I think I will choose to believe that this is because we women, are already are already so adept at handling extraordinary situations that the word "woman" actually already means "superwoman"...thus no need for a fictional character. Yes! I like it! :) No disrespect guys, but we women have to stick together...

But, I digress...so yes...today I was Superwoman...or by my new definition "Woman". Today was the first day of school (crazy!!! I can't believe how big the kids are getting!). I made their lunches, took them out for breakfast before school started, took them to school and helped them find their classes, went home and got myself together, did all my electronic submissions for the morning, went out and did 10 friggin drops all over LA, picked up my new headshots, picked up the kids by 3pm(!), finish all the kids school shopping AND hit the beach. I was Ms. Empowered Independent woman...VERY cool feeling. It was like Super Mom and Super Business Woman all wrapped up in one :) Now, don't get me wrong, I am sooo not on a "high-horse". It's just that I know there are going to be days when I can't do it all, and other times where I simply drop the ball, so I think I better celebrate while I can!