Reflections of, the way life used to be... I don't know why that song is on my mind today. Maybe because I haven't had a chance to reflect in a bit. I feel like life is moving at a pretty rapid rate since I came back to LA. I don't think I've had alot of time to sit down and reflect. In "A Raisin in The Sun", Asagai told Beneatha to "never be afraid to sit awhile and think". Yeah... Sometimes I think I'm going through a thought traffic jam...kinda like where the 405 & 101 meet..lol. I have so many thoughts, but they're trying to come through at one time and getting all stuck together. In my brain's defense, I do have a lot going on.
The Fight for Fame episode aired last Sunday...I didn't actually see it until this past Friday. It was interesting. I was so worried about it...I've worked really hard to become the actress I am today and I still have far to go, but I didn't want people to see this show and chalk me up as just another "reality girl". But now I've kinda accepted that it is what it is. I don't think I embarrassed myself too much, and it has afforded me a really good opportunity. I kinda feel bad that I told virtually no one that I was going to be on the show. My family and friends that did see the show were so proud and happy for me, and many told me that made them feel really good to see me on the show. I can't help but feel a little selfish for not letting more people share in this experience just b/c I was uncomfortable with it.
As far as ACME is concerned, it's starting pretty slow...which is really frustrating for me, but understandable. I mean, I understand their perspective, I'm the new kid on the block, and because of the way I signed with them (the FFF show) I'm probably considered "developmental" talent...but the reality is, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm ready to audition with the best of them RIGHT NOW...not 3 months, or 6 months from now. I need to be getting out much, much, much more and I'm not. But, I've always believed that there is a solution for every problem, and this one is no different. I just have to put my thinking cap on...
Wednesday is the big day! The kids are coming in. I'm officially going to be "living" in LA. Up until yesterday when I began getting their room in order, my place kinda resembled a refugee camp...lol. It had a very "transient" feel but, I think with the kids’ arrival it'll begin to feel a little more like home. This apartment is MUCH smaller that the 3 bedroom, 2 bath we had in Chicago. I'm a little concerned about it actually, but I'm hopeful that our new space will feel much bigger than it actually is. Aside from having to now share a room, I think they're going to really like it here.
Reflections...
I talked to Efren's sister Angel last Sunday. I really like talking to her, even though I usually cry throughout our entire conversation...lol. I never call her, but as we were getting off the phone I told her that would change. I think I have been avoiding everyone that had anything to do with that situation for a while. I called my brother the other day and he was like "Oh, I thought you weren't talking to me." I was like, what?! He said "Yeah, I thought you were mad at me or something." Wow, was I really that MIA? I got an email informing me that my good friend Susan was having complications with her pregnancy and I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I talked to her. Her and her husband, Brad were so nice to me and E and even came to visit us a few days before he passed away.
I guess what I'm saying is...I'm sorry for being so absent these last few months. I have so many people that care about me and I really don't tell them enough how special they are to me. I'm stronger today because of their thoughts and prayers. So, to my amazing and wonderful family (Mom, Marus, Pat, Gabe, Gabriela, Bert, Carolyn, Steve, Nettie, Debbie, Jankie, Vanessa, Victoria, Anna, Alyssa, Ferron and Nicole) I love and appreciate each and every one of you, you are my rock and my anchor and I would not be where I am if it weren't for all of you. To Efren's family and friends (especially, Angel, Mariza, Socorro, Tony, Brenda and Nikki) I think of you often, I love you and pray that you are well. Angel, you really are an angel...and that goes for Maritza, too! My friends at the ACS...(Karen, Marcie, Sam, Donna, Erica, and Barb) I KNOW that it seems like I fell off the face of the earth, but I really do love and miss you guys! My other Chicago family (especially Jenny, Jeff & Lily, Abdul Malik, John, Antonio, Ms. Judy and Aries) you guys are absolutely amazing! I love you and want you to know that you've made a huge difference in my life. To my SC friends (Ava, Susan, Tracy, Apryl, Shannon, Theresa, Patricia, Bernie, Kwame, Doc. Sellers) you guys have always supported me... friends is too "light" of a word, ya'll are more like Family.
Last but certainly not least, my new friends here in LA (Amy, Terena, Tiffany, Michael, Stephon, Kiki, JLee, Ryan & the great people at Actorsite) I met most of you during a very rough time...and you have been an amazing source of strength and support. Each one of you is a true blessing in my life.
Here's to our journey, whether we be together or apart!
The Fight for Fame episode aired last Sunday...I didn't actually see it until this past Friday. It was interesting. I was so worried about it...I've worked really hard to become the actress I am today and I still have far to go, but I didn't want people to see this show and chalk me up as just another "reality girl". But now I've kinda accepted that it is what it is. I don't think I embarrassed myself too much, and it has afforded me a really good opportunity. I kinda feel bad that I told virtually no one that I was going to be on the show. My family and friends that did see the show were so proud and happy for me, and many told me that made them feel really good to see me on the show. I can't help but feel a little selfish for not letting more people share in this experience just b/c I was uncomfortable with it.
As far as ACME is concerned, it's starting pretty slow...which is really frustrating for me, but understandable. I mean, I understand their perspective, I'm the new kid on the block, and because of the way I signed with them (the FFF show) I'm probably considered "developmental" talent...but the reality is, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm ready to audition with the best of them RIGHT NOW...not 3 months, or 6 months from now. I need to be getting out much, much, much more and I'm not. But, I've always believed that there is a solution for every problem, and this one is no different. I just have to put my thinking cap on...
Wednesday is the big day! The kids are coming in. I'm officially going to be "living" in LA. Up until yesterday when I began getting their room in order, my place kinda resembled a refugee camp...lol. It had a very "transient" feel but, I think with the kids’ arrival it'll begin to feel a little more like home. This apartment is MUCH smaller that the 3 bedroom, 2 bath we had in Chicago. I'm a little concerned about it actually, but I'm hopeful that our new space will feel much bigger than it actually is. Aside from having to now share a room, I think they're going to really like it here.
Reflections...
I talked to Efren's sister Angel last Sunday. I really like talking to her, even though I usually cry throughout our entire conversation...lol. I never call her, but as we were getting off the phone I told her that would change. I think I have been avoiding everyone that had anything to do with that situation for a while. I called my brother the other day and he was like "Oh, I thought you weren't talking to me." I was like, what?! He said "Yeah, I thought you were mad at me or something." Wow, was I really that MIA? I got an email informing me that my good friend Susan was having complications with her pregnancy and I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I talked to her. Her and her husband, Brad were so nice to me and E and even came to visit us a few days before he passed away.
I guess what I'm saying is...I'm sorry for being so absent these last few months. I have so many people that care about me and I really don't tell them enough how special they are to me. I'm stronger today because of their thoughts and prayers. So, to my amazing and wonderful family (Mom, Marus, Pat, Gabe, Gabriela, Bert, Carolyn, Steve, Nettie, Debbie, Jankie, Vanessa, Victoria, Anna, Alyssa, Ferron and Nicole) I love and appreciate each and every one of you, you are my rock and my anchor and I would not be where I am if it weren't for all of you. To Efren's family and friends (especially, Angel, Mariza, Socorro, Tony, Brenda and Nikki) I think of you often, I love you and pray that you are well. Angel, you really are an angel...and that goes for Maritza, too! My friends at the ACS...(Karen, Marcie, Sam, Donna, Erica, and Barb) I KNOW that it seems like I fell off the face of the earth, but I really do love and miss you guys! My other Chicago family (especially Jenny, Jeff & Lily, Abdul Malik, John, Antonio, Ms. Judy and Aries) you guys are absolutely amazing! I love you and want you to know that you've made a huge difference in my life. To my SC friends (Ava, Susan, Tracy, Apryl, Shannon, Theresa, Patricia, Bernie, Kwame, Doc. Sellers) you guys have always supported me... friends is too "light" of a word, ya'll are more like Family.
Last but certainly not least, my new friends here in LA (Amy, Terena, Tiffany, Michael, Stephon, Kiki, JLee, Ryan & the great people at Actorsite) I met most of you during a very rough time...and you have been an amazing source of strength and support. Each one of you is a true blessing in my life.
Here's to our journey, whether we be together or apart!
posted by Jillian at 6:44 PM
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