I had a good meeting today with Abrams Artist agency. Alexis, a CD that I met at Actorsite hooked me up with this meeting. I met with one of the agents there and it went really, really well. BUT (there's always a but, right?) He told me that I had to have a reel in order for him to see pitch me to the other agents in the office. He said that he trusted Alexis, and that she had only called him with a "you gotta meet this actor!" one other time (ok, how cool is that...really...no, REALLY!).

Ok, so I need tape...Ugh! I don't have tape! But I will get tape! He also told me that they had a need for a 20-something black female b/c the one he's been working with for the past few years just booked a series regular role on Boston Legal. Turns out he was talking about Kelly Washington! Ummm...wow. I'm not even sure if I belong in an agency like this yet. I mean, I have like NO LA credits and I've been in this town like 5 minutes and I'm sure they don't waste time with co-star stuff. But still...wouldn't it be really cool if they took me? I mean really. A girl can dream, right? :) It's a long shot, and I have to get this tape together...and quickly...so I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens. In the meantime, I'll start mailing to other agents as well...b/c my current situation is just not cutting it.

Jillian

I made a blackberry pie today.... for some reason I've been thinking about blackberry pie for about a week now, and I finally decided to make one. Let me tell ya, it took me waaaayyyy back. I remember when I was a little girl in very rural South Carolina picking wild blackberries with my cousins in the woods. Somehow I never had a basket or a bucket like the other kids so I'd end up making my shirt into a little kangaroo pouch and loading up! After what seemed like an eternity of picking berries I'd take them home, put them in a bowl and hide my then horribly stained shirt behind the couch so my mama wouldn't see it...lol. I thought I was sooo slick...lol...and I can so see that same spirit in the twins. My mom would never get angry about it though, and she'd always make a few pies from the blackberries and we'd eat it with vanilla ice-cream on top. Not sure what made me think of that, much less write about it. I guess its just nice to think of times gone by. Hmmm, nice doesn't seem quite right...maybe bittersweet (kinda like blackberry pie). I can't help but feel sad that my daddy and grandma have "gone on" (that's how my grandmama would have said it).

My grandma, Leila Mae Pollock, was one of the most amazing women I've ever known. I mean really, really amazing. She's been gone for about two years now which is crazy to think about! She was SUCH a character! I could probably do an entire one woman show based on just her. Add my great-grandma, my mom and my aunts and you have material for a lifetime..lol!

And then of course E. I haven't written about him in a minute but he's in my thoughts daily. Wow, how I miss that man. It's crazy because more than anything he was like my best friend. He knew more about me than anyone in the whole world and STILL he loved me soooo much...talk about a miracle..lol! We had truly seen the best and worst of each other and still love overwhelmingly prevailed. I think I'm just beginning to understand how rare and beautiful that is. For someone to know you...the REAL you, good & bad, and love you as you are is truly extraordinary. I am tremendously blessed to have experienced that, even if only for a short time. Bittersweet...I wish he'd gotten a chance to taste my blackberry pie.

Today I had an audition for a new pilot Breadwinners. It was down in Manhattan Beach at Stordahl & Terry casting. It went pretty well, it was a co-star role, but it had a joke written in and I made the CD laugh...can't ask for more than that I guess!

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2:30pm - just got the news that I have a callback for Breadwinners at 4:15pm! My friend told me that this kind of thing often happens...especially when you audition early. I go to the callback and it goes pretty well...I wasn't "Wow" but I was "solid"...which is I think what they look for in a co-star (but then again, what do I know..lol). The director for the pilot is Michael Lange who I actually met earlier this year at an Actorsite workshop when he was directing the OC. I'm constantly amazed at what a small world Hollywood actually is. It seems so big when you're on the outside, but let me tell you, it ain't!

Though today was a good day, I cannot help but feel a bit frustrated... I mean, this is my FIRST theatrical appointment (from my agent, I mean) in SEVEN weeks and I get a callback. I mean, just imagine how many times this could have happened if I had been going out every week for the last 7 weeks!! This very well could have been my 4th callback of the season. I am now 4 for 4...every day since they started calling me last Monday I have had an audition or a callback. Now, I am sooooo not saying this to brag or boast. I promise I'm not. But I am a realist, and I am very aware of my reality right now. And my reality is that I have never been more ready or prepared or able to book than I am right now. Another reality is that this acting thing is largely a numbers game. The more times you get out, more likely you are to get callbacks and the more likely you are to book. I've heard some say it takes 40 auditions to book a job...and though I am not trying to prove that theory right, I am aware of it's implcations. So...fingers crossed I'll get/stay on my agents radar, and keep working to be in peak performance mode so that when I get the audition, I can land the job. Oh! That reminds me, I signed up for Scott Sedita's On-Camera class today! He's tough, but I'm looking foward to it.

Matt called today, and told me I have a callback today for Bailey's @ Martin Casting. He said I was "on fire"...I soooo like the sound of that...I just hope it continues!

As cool as it is to be moving forward commercially (and it IS really cool), I cannot deny that I am really surprised that I haven't received ONE appointment theatrically after almost 2 months since I signed with them. I mean, I have heard amazing things about my agency, and I really considered it a BIG accomplishment to sign with them...so to not have been out in almost 2 months is a real suprise, especially considering how busy it is here in LA right now. I decided to call Adam and discuss some of my concerns with him. Now, let me just pause and say how awesome it is to feel like you can call the president of your agency (or ANY of your agents for that matter!) to talk to them!. I'm really, really, really lucky in that respect. Adam is a really great guy...we talked a bit and he told me about some recent changes at ACME (Congrats on your promotions to Greg, Dave and Lance!!). And he suggested we meet next week to discuss things. Sounds good to me...very productive call.
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OK, the Bailey's callback was very interesting. All the girls that were auditioning for the spot were treated really well. Really, really well. There were like 3 spots auditioning in the same place so it was kind of chaotic at first. Then a young lady came down and gathered all the girls for the Bailey's spot and took us upstairs (to get us away from all the craziness, I was told), she then proceeded to bring all of us bottled water. What?! I thought it was strange, but I'm not complainin'...lol. At this point there were about 5 of us and another girl walked in...it was Jill Marie Jones the series regular (Toni) from Girlfriends! Ok the special treatment makes a little more sense now...lol. Fast forward...Jill was still finishing her audition and I was on deck to go in right after her. I was talking to one of the friends of the producer/director (who was auditioning Jill in the room at the time) while I was waiting. He was a pretty cool guy from NY so we had some NY vs. Chi-town banter. OK, Jill's done, right after she leaves the producer/director comes out, looks at his friend (who is standing right next to me, mind you), and says, "She KILLED it!..."She KILT it!" Hmmm...nice to know. The CD saw this and kinda ushered me in the room. She asked if I was ready and I put on my big smile and gave it the ole' college try. But let me tell ya, there's nothing like following a beautiful, talented, series regular who just "KILT" it...lol. But I'm proud of the job I did...I gave a confident, fun, authentic audition (which was no easy task given the situation!)...even if no one gets to see it...lol. Very funny. I've been LA for 6 months and today I auditioned for the same part as a Toni from Girlfriends....not too shabby!

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Got a call this afternoon from Dave with my first theatrical appointment since signing with Acme! It's about time! Just kidding...but seriously...it's about time... It a co-star for a pilot called "Breadwinners". Wish me luck!

Had a Bailey's Creme audition today at Martin's Casting. Also found out that I'm on Avail for JC Pennys!!! Awesome! I'm getting soooooo close to booking. Hopefully, I will soon.

Ok, it looks like ACME's commercial division is officially awake. Today I had a JC Penny's Callback AND Matt called today with an audition for Baliey's Irish Creme. It's funny because that's the same audition I tried to crash two Saturday's ago...lol. I guess there's a time for everything.

Today I took Scott Sedita's comedy intensive class...and WOW was it intense. Scott does not mess around and let me tell ya, he's a straight shooter. I think I'm going to go on to take his comedy intensive class, which I hear is NOT for the faint of heart. Wish me luck!

Got a call from Matt at ACME today... I have a callback for JC Penny on Monday. Aargh! I was hoping they were calling to book me for the Sears spot that shoots on Monday, now that would have been sweet. On the other hand....WooHoo! I'll take a callback anyday!

Audition today for JC Pennys. That's three audtitions and a callback this week. Awesome. I hope this pace keeps up!

Gabe and Gabriela are here!!! I picked them up at LAX this morning. We drove up the PCH to Malibu to do some sight seeing then had lunch down by the pool. They love the apartment, which is awesome. It's much smaller than our last apt so I wasn't sure how they'd react to it. So far they think California is really cool.

Got a call from Matt, I had a callback for the Sears spot today...went pretty good.

Both auditions today went well. Jeff was cool, he gave me a redirect which I think I pulled off. He laughed during my second read...but I'm not sure if it was a real laugh or a "courtesy" laugh...lol. It was pretty short and sweet, he told me he loved my hair before I left. I attempted to do some drop offs while I was on the lot..but it was practiacally impossible for me to figure out the map. I ended up only dropping about three random drops and not one of my intended drops. But it's all good, hopefully it was just the first of many opportunity to be on the lot!

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up."

– Anne Lamott

Beautiful.

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Matt called me for my first LA commerical audition today. It's about time! Just kidding....but not really... It was a spot for Sears @ Pamela Starks Casting. I hope this is the beginning of great things to come!

This just in! While I was writing this message I recieved a message that I have an audition for Pamela Anderson's new show "Stacked" @ Jeff Greenberg Casting. I met his assistant Allen at an Actorsite workshop. Awesome!!! I'm sooo excited! Maybe this will give my theatrical agents a nudge and I'll start hearing more from them.

When I look back over the past few months, no over my ENTIRE life, it is impossible not to see how God has worked wonders in my life. Just to know and feel that he is mindful of me is more humbling than I can express. I love you Lord, and I am greatful for all the blessings you've bestowed upon me, my family and my friends. And to my heavenly angels, who I know are looking out for me...my Daddy, my amazing Grandmother (Gramce), and my partner and best friend, Efren ...the love that I have for you in my heart has not diminished since the days we've been apart. I know you all are watching over me, and I love you very, very much.

Reflections of, the way life used to be... I don't know why that song is on my mind today. Maybe because I haven't had a chance to reflect in a bit. I feel like life is moving at a pretty rapid rate since I came back to LA. I don't think I've had alot of time to sit down and reflect. In "A Raisin in The Sun", Asagai told Beneatha to "never be afraid to sit awhile and think". Yeah... Sometimes I think I'm going through a thought traffic jam...kinda like where the 405 & 101 meet..lol. I have so many thoughts, but they're trying to come through at one time and getting all stuck together. In my brain's defense, I do have a lot going on.

The Fight for Fame episode aired last Sunday...I didn't actually see it until this past Friday. It was interesting. I was so worried about it...I've worked really hard to become the actress I am today and I still have far to go, but I didn't want people to see this show and chalk me up as just another "reality girl". But now I've kinda accepted that it is what it is. I don't think I embarrassed myself too much, and it has afforded me a really good opportunity. I kinda feel bad that I told virtually no one that I was going to be on the show. My family and friends that did see the show were so proud and happy for me, and many told me that made them feel really good to see me on the show. I can't help but feel a little selfish for not letting more people share in this experience just b/c I was uncomfortable with it.

As far as ACME is concerned, it's starting pretty slow...which is really frustrating for me, but understandable. I mean, I understand their perspective, I'm the new kid on the block, and because of the way I signed with them (the FFF show) I'm probably considered "developmental" talent...but the reality is, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm ready to audition with the best of them RIGHT NOW...not 3 months, or 6 months from now. I need to be getting out much, much, much more and I'm not. But, I've always believed that there is a solution for every problem, and this one is no different. I just have to put my thinking cap on...


Wednesday is the big day! The kids are coming in. I'm officially going to be "living" in LA. Up until yesterday when I began getting their room in order, my place kinda resembled a refugee camp...lol. It had a very "transient" feel but, I think with the kids’ arrival it'll begin to feel a little more like home. This apartment is MUCH smaller that the 3 bedroom, 2 bath we had in Chicago. I'm a little concerned about it actually, but I'm hopeful that our new space will feel much bigger than it actually is. Aside from having to now share a room, I think they're going to really like it here.

Reflections...

I talked to Efren's sister Angel last Sunday. I really like talking to her, even though I usually cry throughout our entire conversation...lol. I never call her, but as we were getting off the phone I told her that would change. I think I have been avoiding everyone that had anything to do with that situation for a while. I called my brother the other day and he was like "Oh, I thought you weren't talking to me." I was like, what?! He said "Yeah, I thought you were mad at me or something." Wow, was I really that MIA? I got an email informing me that my good friend Susan was having complications with her pregnancy and I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I talked to her. Her and her husband, Brad were so nice to me and E and even came to visit us a few days before he passed away.

I guess what I'm saying is...I'm sorry for being so absent these last few months. I have so many people that care about me and I really don't tell them enough how special they are to me. I'm stronger today because of their thoughts and prayers. So, to my amazing and wonderful family (Mom, Marus, Pat, Gabe, Gabriela, Bert, Carolyn, Steve, Nettie, Debbie, Jankie, Vanessa, Victoria, Anna, Alyssa, Ferron and Nicole) I love and appreciate each and every one of you, you are my rock and my anchor and I would not be where I am if it weren't for all of you. To Efren's family and friends (especially, Angel, Mariza, Socorro, Tony, Brenda and Nikki) I think of you often, I love you and pray that you are well. Angel, you really are an angel...and that goes for Maritza, too! My friends at the ACS...(Karen, Marcie, Sam, Donna, Erica, and Barb) I KNOW that it seems like I fell off the face of the earth, but I really do love and miss you guys! My other Chicago family (especially Jenny, Jeff & Lily, Abdul Malik, John, Antonio, Ms. Judy and Aries) you guys are absolutely amazing! I love you and want you to know that you've made a huge difference in my life. To my SC friends (Ava, Susan, Tracy, Apryl, Shannon, Theresa, Patricia, Bernie, Kwame, Doc. Sellers) you guys have always supported me... friends is too "light" of a word, ya'll are more like Family.
Last but certainly not least, my new friends here in LA (Amy, Terena, Tiffany, Michael, Stephon, Kiki, JLee, Ryan & the great people at Actorsite) I met most of you during a very rough time...and you have been an amazing source of strength and support. Each one of you is a true blessing in my life.

Here's to our journey, whether we be together or apart!