Tonight I was fortunate enough to be a "+1" at Mekhi Phifer's wrap party for his new film Easier, Softer, Way. The party was at his home in Woodland Hills. Can I just say.... BEA-U-TI-FUL! OMG, really, just beautiful. I had an awesome time! I got to meet some pretty cool people, including Omarosa (and her mom Mamarosa), Danny Masterson (Hyde from that 70's show) and Mekhi of course. Ving Rhames, Kadeem Hardison, Joe Torry (Orangburg, SC in the house!) and several other faces-I-knew-but-couldn't-call-there-names were there. I also got a chance to meet the casting director & associate for the film, Dori & Lauren. They seemed like really nice ladies.

Mekhi played clips from the film throughout the night... the movie looked very funny and everyone who worked on it seemed to have a lot of fun. Who knew that I would end up at a party in Woodland hills tonight?! Crazy! It was really an awesome time, great party, great people, great company.... great night.

Me and LaVan


Me as Stephons "+1" at Mehki's Party


Me and Omarossa at Mehki's Party

Today I got up not so bright, but definitely early to attend the Broadcast Previews at the Television Academy for Arts and Sciences. Now, I must admit that even though I had on jeans a t-shirt and a Gamecock hat, I felt very LA going to the Television Academy. It was also very cool to see people I knew there (thanks to Actorsite)... kinda made me feel like I belonged there, even though I had no idea what to expect.

The previews are literally just that. Previews...trailers of the new pilots that got picked up this season. They lasted for like 4+ hours but we got to see a clip of each new show on ABC, NBC, CBS, UPN, FOX, WB, UPN, Univision & Telemundo. One thing that struck me during the clips is how minimally minorities are represented in Hollywood. Although I think there is definitely more of an attempt...it's still a pretty sad situation. I saw this one prison drama that's coming out...and I kid you not I saw NO black or hispanic men besides the extras in the black ground. I mean, Come On! The prisons are comprised of like 90% minorites! It's really funny and really not funny at the same time. On a positive note, of the Black actors I saw on the previews most of them were undeniably black... Kimberly Elise, Gabrielle Union, Alfre Woodard, Orlando Bloom, Chi McBride, Roc. There was a time when you needed extremely light skin with green eyes to work...so as an undeniably black woman myself :), it feels good to be included. Dark skin stand up!

Went to a workshop Wed. w/ casting associate Russell Scott @ Margery Simkin Casting, and Thurs. w/ Dean Fronk @ Pemrick & Fronk Casting). & I always learn a lot at these workshops whether it be tightening up my Cold Reading skills, practicing taking re-direction or learning valuable info that you can only get from casting directors and associates. Called Paper Chase today and my pictures are STILL not ready. This place is soooo terrible, which sucks b/c they seemed so nice at first...bait and switch I suppose. It's weird b/c I feel like there's nothing I can do w/o my head shots and postcard, like I'm paralyzed... kinda like Superman when someone would whip out that green kriptonite. Ahhh, Superman, I haven't seen that in a long time...I think I'll add it to my blockbuster online list. But I digress, I've decided that if I don't have my pictures by Monday, I'll get them printed somewhere else and deal with the Paper Chase mess later. As they say, the show must go on!

Tonight was the Acme wrap party. Hmmm...what can I say about the wrap party?? Well, it was an interesting time to say the least. I met some cool people, AND some not so cool people. That's LA though, right? Strange....very strange.

Speaking of strange... I was hanging out with a lot of the post-production crew and it was really weird because they had been editing my episode of FFF, and knew all about me. So I'm talking to these virtual strangers who know more about me than some people I talk to every day! Bizarro...

I met the winners of the past episodes and they were all cool. Some of them said they were getting out a lot, others had been really slow. Hmmm...it'll be interesting to see how my situation works out.

I finally got my "corrected" postcard proofs back from PaperChase, but this time they got the agency info wrong...aarrgh. I know this delay means that I'm not going to get my order until like next week! Which is really frustrating b/c I have yet to give my agents and pictures (really bad) and I really don't want to use my old picture at all...Robyn, the casting associate from Sat, told me that it was NOT a good representation of me...not to mention the fact that it has my old name on it. But, it's ok (NOT!) I just have to call my agent and let him know that I'm not totally flaking and wait it out.

I got an email from Malik, he still needs my bio for the Black Harvest Film Festival..Oops, forgot about this and am VERY bad at writing my own bio. Note to self...get this done..

I went to a workshop with casting director Rosemary Welden. Went well, but I've got to develop a good system for tracking these workshops to insure I'm making the most of these opportunities. At present, they're all starting to run together...must work on this...

Went to a new church today called Faithful Central. The service was held at, The Forum, a large auditorium where the Lakers used to play. I got there during devotion which was really very nice. I saw a few celebs (LL Cool J and veteran actress Telma Hopkins) and I'm sure there were several others I didn't see. I'm always amazed at how much bigger tv makes people look. On television, LL looks like a big, football player...but in person he's a regular sized guy. Don't get me wrong, he is still a fine brother...lol...just smaller than I expected. I liked the fact that the church was unfazed by who was in attendance and really focused on worship. I didn't get to hear the pastor speak (he was ministering in the Soviet Union). I plan to go back next week, hopefully he'll be there.

I've rested for like a week and I refuse to stay in bed all day again. I decide to go to a workshop at the Actorsite with Robyn Owen from Vicki Thomas casting. I get up, take a shower, gather my materials, drive to the valley, sign in for the workshop, take seat in the lobby and it hits me....I'm absolutely exhausted! LOL...I really began to question the wisdom of this attempt. But, I suck it up, grab a Hall's and take a quick nap in the lobby before the workshop. Robyn was really great and I'm really, really glad I went. She pulled me aside and gave me some advice, encouragement, and a few words of wisdom. She also new my agent Greg and had great things to say about him. I felt so productive that I almost stayed for the next workshop...but I thought I should quit while I was ahead!

After the workshop my friend and I decided to go window shop on Melrose. We were looking for the perfect shirt to wear to the party my agents were throwing on Tuesday. It was actually kinda nice browsing through the sea of shops on Melrose. For the first time in a long time I almost felt like I was having a bit of fun...almost... It's strange, as I started to feel better, I started to kinda feel guilty about feeling better. But it's ok, I figure this is all just part of the process. I've said it before, there are situations that you cannot go over, under or around... you have to go through.

In bed...all day... again...

I give up. I surrender to the sickness. I stayed in bed all day today and only left my house to buy some Robitussin...which by the way is the most disgusting medicine in the world. I did make a few baby steps of progress. Thanks to my awesome wireless laptop and my new wireless router I can surf the web while I' m lying down....gotta love technology! Paperchase emailed me the proofs of my pictures and I emailed them back all of my changes. Progress! I also checked out all the upcoming workshops at the Actorsite and signed up for a few. More Progress. I also caught 2 great Seinfeld reruns...no progress but it made me feel better for a while.

Today was a really hard day. I'm not sure if its because I'm confined to the couch...or the fact that I don't feel well physically..but it was a really emotional day. There were times I was feeling just overwhelmed with grief. E and I went through so many negative things before we were able to come back together....lately I've really been focusing on the negative...which I know is absolutely ridiculous. Especially since we were able to ultimately get past our issues and come together. But the fact remains that I can't get the bad stuff out of my head sometimes. I chatted with my friend Antonio about it a little, which helped some.
As I was in my 13 hour of lying on the couch surfing the web, I got the idea to go into a Cancer Support chat room. I felt a little weird about it at first...I mean surely a room full of people dealing with cancer don't want to hear about patients who DIDN'T make it... much less how hard it is for loved ones to cope with the aftermath, right? Anyway, I go into a few chat rooms and just kinda lay low. Most of the people were really upbeat but there were some that were scared and others lamenting their old lives, before they were diagnosed with cancer. I found myself reaching out to many of them...encouraging them that they could get through it (many of them were detected early)... I told them that its tough but just to hold on a little longer and they could make it. Some were family members of cancer patients who were scared, tired and concerned.... One lady's husband had stomach cancer. She said they removed his stomach (who knew they could do that?) and had given him 3 years to live. I told her I knew what she was going through and that the Drs. had given my husband only 6 mos. to a year to live. I promised her that even though the situation seems bad that they would get through it. I didn't mention that Efren didn't make it...I figured it might not be helpful and it didn't really change the facts. She would get through it...no matter what the outcome...she'll get through it.... She thanked me and told me that I had helped her a great deal. Isn't that funny? I went in to find support and found it by being supportive. I really feel that this is one of the true miracles in life. It really is impossible to help someone else, without also helping yourself.

I went back in the chat room a little later and talked to one woman who's father had passed away from brain cancer and a woman who's husband passed away. I guess it was my turn to receive support... I told them that my husband passed away and how hard its been to deal with...I told them that's in been a month and I still cry everyday and how much the people who say "move on" annoy me. I told them that it gets so incredibly hard sometimes and I didn't know if my handling of the situation is normal. They were soooo great. One lady, Mary, told me that "normal" was just a setting on the washing machine :) The said everything I'm going through it to be expected and that is ok that I'm still sad...because I loved him and still do. They said that I have to do everything in my own time and that it was just fine. Many people also told me that they still felt married and wore their wedding rings even after their spouses had been gone for 5, 7 and even 16 years for one woman! They were all very supportive and encouraging. They told me how much talking about my feelings would help and to never keep pain bottled up. They said that I should visit the anytime, b/c that's what they're there for. I thanked them and told them that they were a tremendous help to me...and they really were. They gave me a big chat room "hug". It was very sweet...I slept better than I have in a long time.

OK, I'm STILL sick, but I refuse to stay in bed all day again today. I took my temperature (thanks to my friend SF bringing me a thermometer this morning :), it was normal! This is good...I feel crappy, but my temp is normal. I decide to make some moves. I went to the post office and finally got my Commercial casting director mailing out. I must have mailed at least 100 postcards, so I feel like I got a little something done. Next, I was off to get my photo reproduced. I decided to try Paper Chase this time as I wasn't thrilled with the job Isgo did on my last photo order. The people at Paper Chase were great! I highly recommend them based on their customer service alone! I took my picture in on a CD which Sofia, one of the awesome employees, opened so I could see how the pic looked on her computer. Much to my dismay, I noticed a dark mark on my face that was not visible on my laptop. I asked her if she saw it...she said it wasn't a big deal but if it really bothered me that they could lighten it. Now, I am pretty savvy with photo shop, and I know it will take ME all of 30 seconds to fix this problem...and i know they will want to charge me like 30 bucks to fix it, so I ask Sofia if she has an extra Cd b/c I have my laptop in my car and I could fix it there. I think she understood my "I'm a poor person" dilemma... she was like, "why don't you have a seat and fix it right here". What!? How awesome is that! If all goes well, they have earned a very loyal customer.After spending an hour in PaperChase, my sickness is beginning to catch up with me, and it was apparent that I needed to get back to bed. As I was driving home I got a call from my friend Darren, who I know from USC (South Carolina). We ran into each other last week in Hollywood...small world! He told that he's going to Uganda for a film that he's working on. They're researching this rebel warrior "gang" made up of young boys. It's really interesting stuff, I'd actually read about them a long time ago on the BBC. He's also working crew for a play in August which stars Al Pacino! Way to go Darren! I love to see people really going for their dreams...really trying to make it happen!

Still sick...stayed in bed ALL day. Turns out a was running a fever yesterday. I ended up going to Michael's for about an hour...saw a few old friends, but was too tired to stay for very long. I received an email from my writer friend. He's doing a movie and emailed me the script. He told me to read it and let him know what part I want to read for. Interesting. Hollywood is definitely interesting. I read the script through once, but I was all dopey from the cold medicine... I'll definitely have to read it again later. I think rest should be my mantra today.

Happy 4th of July! It's official...I'm sick! I've been using zinc, echinacea, garlic, airborne...you name it...trying to stop it, but its here. Complete w/ crazy headache, sore throat and deep cough. I can't even remember the last time I felt like this. Maybe the lasts few months are catching up with me? I don't know. I wouldn't mind it so much if I just felt bad...but my voice is totally jacked up because of my sore throat...I sound like a less breathy version of Darth Vader.

Also, there are two events going on tonight, both of which I would really like to attend...which is amazing since I rarely ever leave the house. Some of my fellow actors from Actorsite are going to a picnic at the CBS Radford studios. It sounds like fun and I always love excuses to visit the CBS lot. One day I'll be going for auditions...not just picnics :). My good friend and great actor/writer, Michael Garvey also invited me to a small party that he's throwing. I met Michael last August at the Abbie Hoffman theater festival in Chicago. It's a really cool festival that's basically 48 hours of continuous theater and Michael and I were both performing there. We met backstage and I mentioned that I was planning to move to LA soon...I gave him my email and a few months later he wrote me saying he was going to Germany for a few months and asked me if I wanted to stay at his place and take care of his cats for him. It worked out really great! I had a free place to stay for my first month and a half in LA (that was only 2 blks from the ocean!) and I had to return to Chicago around the time Michael was due back. I am always humbled when I can see how God provides for me.

Ok, its 1pm and time for a nap. Hopefully I'll wake up to an amazing recovery.