Today I played photographer for the day. My friend (who's a photographer) needed some headshots done and figured she might be able to coach me and I could get a few good shots. Three hundred and fifty pictures later I think she began to change her mind...lol. Hopefully, she will be able to use one or two.

I called LA casting today and added ACME as my official agency. They told me I wouldn't have to pay for the account any more b/c the agency will now assume the cost... What?! I thought. I asked the guy how much I was paying now, he said 10 bucks a month. I almost said, I never paid 10 bucks a month! But then I decided against it. All's well that ends well.

So, my day started off with the usual; cup of tea, couple of hours of computer work, bill paying etc... I was in my "somber/reflective without being too somber and reflective mood" which is ok.. that is until I came in contact with the rudest customer service agent that I've ever met in my life. Peoplel can be really terrible...realy, really terrible. His name was Allen, though I suspect from the heavy accent that it want his real name... but it was terrible. I cannot imagine what would possess a person to be so....terrible. The entire experience was so terrible that I actually made me cry, though I do admit it doesn't take much to make me do that lately, but still....terrible! Anyway, what's my point... I read a quote by Philo, it said "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." I know it sounds very 'Oprah-esqe', but it it really that difficult to be nice? Does it really require THAT much additional effort? Maybe... I don't know. But I do know that I let this one negative expereince effected much of my day. I, of couse, started thinking about stuff like "if E was here I wouldn't have had to do that" or "if E was here, he would have done this"... just really going down an unproductive road. But God, intervened just when I was feeling particularly overwhelmed as I drove along the parking lot that is the 405. I was in a very bad way when my phone rang...I saw the 323 area code (I always answer 323 area codes) so I pick up and it’s Emily the commercial agent from ACME. She was very upbeat and was soooo nice. She was like "Hi, I'm your new commercial agent!" She said she was sorry that we didn't get a chance to meet while I was there. I told her I was sorry to miss her, but I'd heard a lot about her. Then she said, "I've heard a lot about YOU!" How awesome is that!! She said she's going out of town for a few weeks but that Matt and Brian would work hard on sending me out for commercials :) and then we'd meet up when she gets back next month. Great woman, great talk, great agency... I am very lucky. Thank you God for this call at this moment...I am humbled by your strong presence in my life. Thank you E for being my cheering section in heaven...I know you are with me.

Later that night.... Got a call from my friend Malik in Chicago. Another very nice conversation. We don't talk as often as we use to. I've noticed that sometimes after you go through a situation like mine, often people distance themselves a little b/c they don't know what to say or they wanna give you time to deal with things in your own personal way... which makes sense I guess. Anyway, I told him about the agent and commercial and stuff and he was really excited for me. Then I told him how it was kinda bittersweet and he said so many encouraging things. I think I was having issues because I felt like people were telling me to "let it go and move on", but he talked more in terms of 'keeping him alive' and 'feeling his presence', which was really cool. He was even like...you never know, great things are happening for you so fast, maybe E's with you, like your guardian angel... Which made me cry, but not from sadness...tears of joy. As we got off the phone, I realized how much we had both managed to encourage each other. He was encouraged by my accomplishments, because he knows if I can do he can do it (whatever your "it" is, YOU can do it, too), and I was encouraged by his words of wisdom and his excitement. I can't help but think that THIS is what we are supposed to do for one another! Encourage, not discourage (you hear that Allen!). "Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves" - James Barrie

Today was my first meeting with my new agents. Everyone was very cool and there was alot of hustle and bustle in the air. Greg and I went over pictures, then he introduced me to David and Matt and Brian in the commercial dept . I also met Steven who is the head of the Theatrical dept... he told me I had great hair, so I think he has amazing taste :) I met with Adam (the owner) again and he was just as great as the first time I met him. Everyone was really outstanding, they really seem like they work hard for their actors, which is awesome!

Let's see...what else...Oh, Greg told me my headshots wouldn't do for theatrical (which I was expecting) but we were able to find one on my contact sheet that I could use for now, so hopefully it'll get a pretty good response. I still have to go back and meet with Emily which is the head of the commercial dept so hopefully she'll like at least one of my commercial shots. All in all, great meeting...great group....great opportunity...great vibes... and I look forward to a great partnership.

I just checked my voicemail and I missed a call from Joe Donohoe at Joe Adams Casting. I had included him in my postcard mailing earlier this week. He had called me b/c one of their readers called out and he wanted me to fill in. I hate that I was unable to do it, but it's awesome that my postcards are getting well. It would have been a great opportunity to see what happens on the other side of the table...but I'm sure its just the first of many.

Today was an AWESOME day. First of all, I just signed with my first LA agent, and I'm totally psyched!! After only moving to L.A. in January and having been basically M.I.A. since mid April, it is absolutely AMAZING to me that I just signed a year contract with ACME Talent & Literary.
Secondly, I just booked an awesome acting job...one that I think will make me SAG eligible, which would just be a true blessing from God.
Man...this day has been a total rollercoaster ride. I have so much to be thankful for, and I am really, truly thankful, but I cannot help but feel sad that I can't share this good news with E. I think of how excited he would be if I could call him and tell him what I'd just accomplished. He would be so proud of me. I miss him very much.

Sooo... I got called yesterday to work on this project..which shall remain nameless...at least for now. I can tell it's going to be a very interesting experience, but I have very high hopes, its a very good opportunity for me. So far its been fun and the other actors are very interesting. The crew is really cool, which is cool b/c I'll be with the ALOT over the next few days.

Life is sooo strange. It's amazing how Bittersweet things are right now....I mean, it's been a week since I returned to LA and I'm already working on a project that could open alot of doors for me, which is awesome; but on the other hand, today would have been my one-month wedding anniversary... but instead I'm a widow(?!)... which sucks soooo much. And now all these good things are happening, and I have no one to share it with...except the 3 or 4 of you who actually read my posts :) but seriously...its Krazy! Life - is - Ka-Raaazy!! So anyway...what now...I guess God doesn't bring tragedy without providing some relief... I mean, that's what they say right? Anyway, I'm not stressing (well, maybe just a little)...but I'm confident that between God guiding my path and E in heaven looking out for me, I know I'll be ok...one day.

So I'm off to the audition in Inglewood - a place I am very unfamiliar with, and true to form I got totally lost... an event that is truly getting old! Anyway, I recovered before I went too far out of my way and arrived safely at the audition. I was immediately struck by how beautiful Inglewood was. There was a park nearby and they were having a big Juneteenth celebration. You always hear of how crazy it is there, but it seemed very nice. Don't get me wrong, I know looks can be deceiving and there are good and bad "parts" to every city, but it seemed like an ok place...a far cry for the hoods in Chicago!

At the audition I read for the director, Tasia Sherel. My read went pretty well and the actors I read with were very funny. She asked if I could sing so I did a little Lauryn Hill as I made my exit...it was fun. Later that night, I received and email from Tasia inviting me to an audition on Thursday for a play at the theater where she's the artistic director. Cool...doing some theater right now isn't a bad idea. It'd be nice to be engrossed in good theater work right now. I told her I'd be there.

I was very proactive today. I did an agent mailing to about 12 prospective agencies and I also sent out follow-up postcards to some agents and casting directors that I've met. I literally spent ALL day working on the mailings, messing around on the computer trying to get everything just right. All and all I was very proud of what I sent out.

I have an audition tomorrow for and inde film called "The Good Neighbor Policy" at the Inglewood Playhouse. I didn't really expect to be auditioning this soon after returning from Chicagobut, hey, I'm not complaining. Hopefully it'll go well.

Just arrived back in L.A. It's hard to believe it's all over. Tough...really tough. It's been well over a month since I've even seen my apartment. It looks like a refugee camp. Air mattress on the floor...clothes scattered... but on the bright side, it looks like I have a lot to keep me busy.

Efren passed away a little after Noon today. I held his hand as he was trying taking his last breath. It was truly the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my life.

It's crazy.... no matter how much you expect it, death is impossible to prepare for. At least for me... E was ready, he was hurting, he was tired, he kept waiting for a break... he's finally got one. I love you, Efren Ortiz, Jr. Rest in peace... you're gone but far from forgotten...